spider bites and dreaded phone calls

OK so today kinda bites. (no pun intended) a stupid spider (i knew my fear was no joke!) bit me on my shoulder which has in turn caused severe pain in my left shoulder, neck and leg....mmm nice. Today I started to worry so i took some benadryl and immediately entered wacko land. i've been loopy ever since. that's not the funny part though...so i've thought i got this job all along but this woman just called me to let me know that they've had problems in that department or something and so they're not gonna hire me now. nice huh? i had just turned another job  down...don't think i didn't call them back though! lol
so yeah. i'm back to square one. such a lonely and poor square. i don't think i like it very much. when it rains it pours...i'm hurting that i went shopping...ouch. someone please, please give a sista some air support cuz i'm suddenly feeling dizzy again. :(


All of Us airs on Tuesdays this fall ;) according to the web site

my first day of hollywood work

Wow!!!! my first day of hollywood work. i'm exhausted but totally bouncing off the walls. would you expect anything less from me?! lol. so here's how it went. on friday i signed up with this casting agency called central casting and they immediately booked me for a job on the UPN show "all of us" for today. my call time was 8 am so of course i couldnt eat breakfast or anything (way too nervous) so i just got up at the butt crack of dawn and headed out...got on the freeway and immediately realized i hadn't brought my clothes for the set changes...um yeah. so i turned around but still made it there on time with lots of time to spare. :) i wore a bad dress folks..and by bad i mean it was fly (cool whateva). i had on 4 inch heels too. i was gawking over everybody (hollywood is very short!) but it was all good. so i get there and they're herding us around like sheep when all of a sudden a personal assistant on set pulls me out to the wardrobe people  and says we're gonna make you a waitress and then the wardrobe lady says no we can't "waste" her..i had no idea what that meant but i went back inside and waited around. the set was so magical ya'll...it's so tiny but it's just crazy that a story of someone's vision comes to life on this little biddy back lot at universal studios every day. i fell in love immediately..i've always been infatuated with hollywood (can't love it till ya know it). i tried to read a book but it wasn't happening. i just sat there and watched the technicians and assistant directors work...and then i see this little light skinned woman enter the room with a red sweatpants suit and a red wrap around her head and my mouth fell open...it was debbie allen.  in case you don't know who that is, she happens to be one of the BEST choreographers in the world (my opinion) and directors. she directed "a different world" she did the famous african dance scene in "coming to america", "fame" and much more (google her and see) i've admired that woman since i was a small girl. so yeah i was a little star struck. i couldn't help but smile and was taken back by the other extras' inabilitity to appreciate the genius standing before them...DANG..it's debbie allen! she picked me out of the crowd to do a scene with the main guy on the show, duane martin. he was really cool. i sat down and he asked who he would be doing the scene with, i raised my hand and he said he would get me back (watch the show to see what i did) so we sat there. i told him my friend loved him (shout out to jecarma). he asked how long i had been acting and i told him that today was my first day on a set...and he started crackin up and telling the other actor on set that it was my first day and i had already been picked out (talk about ego boost) so then we rehearsed the scene and i didn't get angry enough so i told him to say something pissy to me and so (knowing i was from KC) he told me all midwestern girls are ho's...lol. needless to say it worked and i did the scene with a special pizazz...ms. allen smiled at me and said good job. yeah for tishy!

so yes. now i'm sitting on cloud nine and don't wanna ever have to come down. i'm gonna do this guys...i can just feel it. everything i saw as a kid is gonna come true. i'm gonna make it..i'm gonna be a great actress. ;)
ps anna nicole smith was the guest actress for the day!!!!

i'm employed!!!

I FINALLY found a job lol...now mind you it's not ideal. I'll be working a shift of 4 pm to 12:30 am (ouch!) BUT it's steady income and it gives me a little time to at least get my headshots done, get some classes in so that I can start the process of getting in the business...making my agent a very happy man. Not only did I get a job ,but I also got my first extra booking. I'll be working on the set as a background person this Monday...oh yeah. The UPN's "All of Us"...I'm pumped out of my mind. The guy who booked the job told me I have to look really 'sexy'. I said OK and hung up, jumped up and down and then froze...grammama....sexy? I don't think so. So I called on the expertise of Diva Extraordinaire, (my roommate Shannon). She took me shopping at this great cheap place and voila! I'm a bonafide sexy diva without lookin like a ho. I got this really perdy black short dress (Yes mama I'll actually show my leg above the knee--a first since I was probably 5.) and some killa 4 inch heels...Girly girls this may be nothing for you, but that's big for me...Friends. I'm changing, but it's all to the good! :)

So yeah, life's a lot better now. I was getting really down. I don't know about any of ya'll, but I really can't respect someone that doesn't have an effort to contribute their part to society (in the form of wanting to work) I just go crazy...the last three weeks were so hard. That's why the blogs were sparce but I'm back and in ready to go mode.

I just found out minutes ago that my favorite boy in the world may have a possibly reading for me with a director out here..how he pulls this stuff out of his hat I don't know, but it's for a 'real' film...one that could star Gladys Knight...um yeah folks. Lets do this shall we?!

Well tonight I'm off to another lovely get together with my roomie and her friends. Another Panamanian friend is gonna cook and do the damn thing. I'm starting to get comfortable, my bearings are coming. I'm turning a different page...did you hear it, did you see it?

God's Here

In the movie "How Stella Got her Groove Back" Whoopi says, "God's here" and that scene has always stuck with me. I finally feel that way now. It's a beautiful thing when you find God...I'm not one of what one of my best friends, Vikkie, would refer to as a 'holy roller', but dang I'm gonna be verbal about my newfound spirituality...It's a beautiful thing!

I thank my girl for giving me the best gift in the world--the Bible-- cuz for the first time in my life I'm getting it...I guess I just had to find it in my own way.

Now I am truly a movie buff!!!

ok so no one is perfect..yes i have said in the past that i am a movie buff, but then people would find out i hadn't seen star wars and i'd get the "pity head shake"...well shake no more. today my totally awesome friend and director friend sarve sat my behind down for 8 hours and we watched all of the old star wars (i saw the past three before hand to prepare--wink) and i loved them! now i'm a true movie buff so all ya'll haters beware! (evil laugh)

now it's my turn to show him a couple of movies...don't ever try to school me unless you're prepared to be schooled yourself.

as for practical matters i'm going to take a substitute teaching test so that i can do the dang thing. if the jobs won't come to me i'll come to them! how do ya'll like them apples?! ok, my tummy hurts. i'm lactose intolerant yet i refuse to give up certain sweets...my down fall for sure. lactose intolerance!!!!! "stop the rocking...stop the rocking!" now what movie is that from my friends?!!!

saturday afternoons

Saturday afternoons are just the best, aren't they? I have a roomie that is anal retentively cleaning what she already cleaned yesterday, but luckily I am also a clean freak so the smell of pine sol is doing it for me :) Lazy days...hopefully this will pass soon and Tishy gets that all-important JOB. I received a response from the place I want to work saying they're reviewing my resume currently...wish me luck!

Next weekend I get to drive to Sacramento with Shannon to see my new twin separated at birth, Michele for her birfday :) Can I just say it's good to have sista's back in the mix!!! What would I have done with out a sista girl click?! The world will never know...

The highs and lows are tough

So today has been a real hard one. I know that I need to be thankful for how far I've come and how generous Shannon has been to me for allowing me to stay at her place, giving me a roof over my head and giving me things to feel that space, but I'm a spoiled brat at heart which means when someone offered a free fridge to me today I accepted it, but I wanted to cry the whole time I was cleaning the old and nasty thing out...it's a relic let me tell ya. Why am I so shallow that I can't accept a nice gesture that's going to save me a gang of money? I have no clue. I need to get ten times more humble here.

That's not the low for the day though...So I'm sitting there cleaning out the fridge when my phone rings and there's a man saying he's looked over my resume and wants me to come in for a job...um I'm exstatic so I say yes, get ready and head on over (he wanted me to interview that day and I didn't think that was odd at all) So I get to the seedy little building right off of Hollywood and Vine and he begins to tell me about all these hustles his business does...and how I am a very attractive woman and he wants me to do porn...yes you heard me right! I just wanted to crawl inside a hole and die. I've never felt so cheap and dirty before. I came home with my head down and a heavy heart. I hope things start to look up. I'll never apply for jobs off of Craigslist ever again!!! It's so hard to be a woman...I hate it that men can look at you and take something away from you...I was wearing a conservative skirt and top and he still had the ability to cheapen me...people it's hard out here...It's hard!

I thank God that I'm smart and strong enough to know and refuse gimmicks like that. I feel for the girls that do get trapped in that mess. Ugh! Monday, not so good. Tuesday is looking great though. It's a brand new day...Maybe one filled with legitimate job interviews I hope. :)

sunday morning

OK the fear is definitely sinking in now. I HAVE to find a job tomorrow. I'll do whatever until I find something I can be comfortable with. Tishy needs a fridge and stuff to actually cook with or she's up a creek without a paddle. Nice, huh? Yeah...talk about real life big kid stuff sucks!

As for stress free living (when I'm denying reality), yesterday I went to a party with my roommate and it was a beautiful mecca of beautiful people and I don't mean just physically. My roomie, Shannon, took me to her best friend's house where they were celebrating her mother's birthday and the departure of her brother who will soon leave to open a restaurant in another state. The cool thing, there were beautiful black folks everywhere and a lot of them were either from or had parents from Panema...so everyone was speaking spanish and it was just beautiful. People started doing latin dances and kickin up the music and it was just awesome to sit back and watch. PLUS the food was the BOMB folks...I had this chicken stuff with fresh mangos...rices with beans...different meats cured and seasoned in ways I have never experienced before...The hostess of the evening had a beautiful house like Shannon too...Just really eclectic and colorful, black art everywhere...I felt like I was home in a deeper sense. In Los Angeles there are a lot of houses that have back houses behind the main house (not a slave's quarters folks!) and her back house was tight. She had a stereo system and plush couches and chairs with doors wide open so you could just sit and chill with the ocean breeze passing thru occasionally. Then there were colorful tables and chairs everwhere around this little house and the main house. In the back 'back' yard there was an open yard with a wall that was later used at night to project a movie on...It was really cool. I had a nice time...I met some really nice people that were giving me all kinds of advice to help me out in the industry. It's seriously on me to get things going. It just sucks to know that I'm worried about a fridge and cooking utensils right now instead of my art and perfecting what I've got. My first year in Los Angeles will seriously test me and change me...hopefully for the better!

calling on langston

In case I forgot to mention it, one of my favorite colors is green...and it just so happens to be the color Langston Hughes always used when writing letters, post cards, etc. to those that he cared about and so forth. :) So THAT is why I always will post in green. I just love the idea of following in his footsteps...he was a brilliant man.

Anywho, I just wrapped for the day on Sarve's film for his film school class. We shoot again tomorrow all day but today was the really fun part. I had to bring on the tears. I was doing so well. Everyone just let me sit there quietly by myself and I started to do what I do mentally in order to cry and the tears just started pouring...by the time you do three takes though you start to lose the edge and so by the fourth, fifth time I was all dried out and I got a little frustrated with myself...I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks...I was disappointed, but Sarve was happy and that's all that matters. :) He also gave me a copy of my first film I did with him, Fundamental Nature. It rocks ya'll so if you want to see it let me know and the next time we're hanging I'll bring it. It's great let me tell ya! I still roll.

Today I set my uncle up big time. Shannon, my roomie, came home early to surprise the fool and I played along...it's sweet to play the match maker cuz I'm definitely in a love rut so why not.

I meet up with a past English professor of mine, Teresa, tomorrow morning too. Won't it just be a glorious day?! I haven't seen this woman in years. She was my freshman year prof. I love KU...see how many cool people it brought me!?

As for personal time with Tishy wishy, it's lonely as heck out here...I miss my best guy friend and confidant, Mr. Movie Marathoner...sigh. Joanie Mitchell said, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" If only he knew...

tish and the city

I'm currently watching Sex and the City while my clay mask hardens....If I had a job, this would be the life :) I'm hoping my stars are about to align or however you say that zodiac stuff and three job offers come thru the magical internet world to my computer.

Today I film student film #2. It should be lots o fun. Sadly it's really hard to enjoy all this when I don't know if I'll be able to eat next month. How scary is that?!

Here's the question of the day? Is there really truth in a jest? A friend thinks I'm full of crap, but I think there's truth in that statement. (Too many truths in a paragraph) Anywho. I'm stagnant for the moment. Any advice folks?

Just a day, just an ordinary day

Wow...life is seriously about choices and lately it doesn't seem like I've been making some good ones...Do you believe in signs? I'm reading a book right now that explains me to a T. This girl, Sistah Souljah is intelligent and deep, but she still makes horrible life decisions...That's me! The one thing I have going for me right now is my ability to step back and look at the situation and learn from this darn stuff. I did something good yesterday though! I was in my first student film here in California. It was really fun actually. I met some great new people that I hope to have budding little friendships with and got to see folks work with 16 mm film...It was all so cool. The short film is about this guy who goes thru life walking against everyone...everyone else is backwards, walks/dresses/you get the point. Then he meets this girl who's like him and everything is suddenly right. I played the girl. :) The guy actor I worked with was really cool too. Some folks out here are so competitive they become nasty and he obviously wasn't. He didn't need to put up any fronts because he was a really good actor...and I mean good-intense even. So yeah. Good times in Montclair, CA ;)

I do another film this Thursday, Friday and that should be interesting as well ;) I love acting!

searching for work

So my first week in La La land completed. I started off the morning quite nicely too. My past job left me with some really cool and nice contacts out here and so I met with one of them for coffee this morning and he was awesome. Not only is he hooking me up with agent information, but he gave me some good pointers on classes vs work shops and things of that nature.  Hopefully something good will come from all this. I just feel it that something big will happen.  A good friend told me today that my last name means 'worthy of good fortune'...i like that idea. I hope and pray that I find a good and decent part time job soon. I applied for two positions at a local university here (USC) and so hopefully one of the two bites. I would LOVE to continue to work for a university...one of the jobs would allow me to work with students in the advising department. That would rock.  Even though I'm stressed about a job I still have to sit back and just thank God for real that he's made this so interesting for me. It's hard at times, but it could be so much more worse...and I have some great friends that seriously support me in ways I can't even imagine...it makes me wanna pat my back...I have to be a good person to deserve friends like I have, right? It just amazes me. My goal is to keep growing, but never change the "tish" in me. ;) I figure it's done me pretty good so far!!!  It's crazy how right this can feel at times and how freaking scary and foreign it can feel two minutes later. Life's crazy, ain't it?

i'm back!

ok, myspace sucks! i had this long and beauitful blog written and wham! it's gone. that's the second time that bull K#$#@ has happened...grrrr

well what i was trying to say was, today was a much better day. i was starting to get a little disappointed in myself. i've just been so down and lonely and doubting my decision to move here--it was totally out of character for me not to give it all i've got. then today i had an appointment with an agent...i was hesitant because i know how hard it is to get one out here...everyone tells you they're all scam artists so i was hesitant, but this agent made me feel so great...not because he was kissing my booty, but because he was upfront honest telling me what i need to do and he totally has my back. i'm pumped to get started...

now all i have to do is get that ever so cliche part time job...now is the time to donate to tish's "i'm a po girl from the midwest trying to make it big in hollywood" fund. lol. holla at your girl!

Day 3 in culture shock land

I swear I feel like I'm in another country...the culture shock I'm going thru right now is almost stifling. I wish I would have done this when I was younger so that I could actually justify my baby tendencies to want to run back home with my tail between my legs...but alas I'm an old fart (according to la la land standards) so I have to suck it up and be a soldier. I'm taking this week to get adjusted and learn the highways and such...my misconceptions were all wrong...people talk about this horrible traffic and while yes there are ALWAYS cars on the dang road it's not so bad. Just like KC you get punked sometimes and end up in a cluster mess, but I made it to and from LAX from north los angeles in less than an hour..that's pretty darn impressive. The only prob I had was getting back in to my uncle's apartment complex b/c of a paranoid security guy. Today I'm at my house which is beautiful. Too bad my lil apartment down below won't look like this...it's nice to have something that feels close to home. For all that know me, I'm totally being tested out here and I hope and pray that I'll be able to do the damn thing. Wish me luck! As for the rest of today, I'm getting my insurance figured out and job searches underway. Thursday = agent interview, wish me double luck on that!!!
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