post christmas

12.29.2005
It’s been quite a while since my last blog. I guess a lot and a little has happened all at once. As for my trip back home to KC.... It was great for the most part. I was dead tired the whole way there (that’s what happens when you wake up at 3:00 a.m.) but I happened to wake up right as we were flying over north Kansas City. I couldn’t help but smile…I started to cry. In that moment something weird came over me. I felt like I was going back to another girl’s life…I stepped off the plane and my two best buds were waiting for me at the gate, wearing green (coincidence) and caring a green sign…and I started crying again. We caught up, ate some good bbq, went by my old job (which I missed terribly) and just hung out…went to the plaza…sigh. I saw the lights…I miss Kansas City’s lights. It was surreal. I can’t believe this time last weekI was chillin in KC with my best friend sipping coffee as people in horse drawn Cinderella carriages strolled by. I don’t want to load you up on needless details, but I saw friends and hung with my family…which was weird. My sisters were being really unfair to my mother about the divorce...



As for me, I saw my mom as a woman...void of a mother title. She’s been this archetype character (lacking an autonomous self ) for years --well at least that’s how I saw her)--and now she’s living life on her own terms. She struggles with her new life, but she’s doing it and she loves it and my dad and sisters can’t understand that, which I can relate to. I didn’t see her until I came home. I respect her in so many new ways now.



So that was KC…to really get into it would be painful I think…I miss the place but I’m glad I’m gone all at the same time. Now another holiday is approaching and I just can’t wait to sleep in and rest. The crush and I are in a weird stage. We’re prelims (hee hee) which means he’s doing his own thing for New Years. It’s weird. We haven't been dating all that long so I really have to balance my need to want to hang out with him all the time with the rational tishy who knows we have to have space...Who knows where we’ll be a year from now.



As for me. I'm chillin with my girl Brandi...good chick flicks and chicks make any party cool. I have this really cool New Years party at the end of the month I’m going to as well. We’re going to assess our goals for the year and discuss rational ways of achieving those things. It sounds like a glorious idea. I’ll keep you posted

family stone

12.18.2005
don't you just love walking into a movie theater with no expectations and leaving with a new favorite flick under you belt? that's how i felt with the movie "family stone". it's a keeper guys and sarah jessica parker makes you forget in the first five minutes that she ever played a deranged manola punk named carrie bradshaw. i recommend it dawlings!

i saw that and rent last night..yes two flicks..finishing at freaking 2 in the morning. i'm hurting today but i'm glad i did it. it's almost time to go home..the countdown begins...

p.s. rent was just aight...i think i liked it just because i loved seeing the musical... i did love seeing the original cast though....they brought the passion that i always heard they possessed...the writer and director of that musical died the night before the play opened and so the cast vowed to rock every show and they did that for the movie...and then some...it was just really hard for allow myself to be that emotional..that and i had to use the bathroom super bad..any act of moving my body, even facial expressions would have killed a sista

pure exhaustion

12.16.2005
so i haven't posted for a while because my borrowed laptop was taken from me sigh but i've missed you all ;)

i hate it when i try to sum up a whole dang week. it's kinda hard i dare say. so i had a lot of work parties this week which was a lot of fun because i got to finally 'meet' folks and let my hair down..christmas is good for that isn't it?

as for my crush...good stuff as always . we went christmas shopping together the other day for his nieces and nephew and it was really sweet to see him so intent on finding them all the perfect gifts...i don't know how to explain or describe my feelings towards him...i've never met someone as cool as him, but at the same time we're still in the beginning stages..it's only been two months and we still have a LOT to learn about each other...it's just weird. i feel like my heart is trying to make leaps before the bridge is built..naughty naughty...

ok my fingers are freezing...being in la when it's cold is just sick and twisted.

as for acting. i'm home on a friday night to start reading over a script for class. i'm supposed to do a monologue for her...and mind you she freaking wrote the darn script she gave me. pressure. she wrote this to me the other day:

If you and Marko want to do Cat then continue to do so or find another scene. (I know how frustrating it is doing the same piece as someone else.) I wanted you to do the monologue as well because I want to start working on you expressing yourself from a more private location -from a place of stillness.

I know being a Puerto Rican Black from a small town it was not easy being the different one so I changed my behavior to apply to the status quo. I was Jewish at a seder , Afro rican at a barbequ and ghetto when girls were threatening me for having so called, "good hair". It's time to find out who we really were/are before others manipulated our responses into reactions.

Stop acting out for them, Latisha, you are a most beautiful and intelligent woman with a strong powerful personality we are going to find a path for it to come out without having to push it.

guys i just wanted to cry when i read that...that's what's been my biggest hang up out here...i finally let the cracks show. it's like my strength or pseudo strength for that matter is crumbling and i'm exposing the current tish you read/see now. i don't know how to get a grip but i can tell you one thing..this performance is gonna bring out some heavy stuff. see how wonderful acting is..you can find yourself by becoming someone else...

it's friday. thank God it's Friday! no more cold hands, script time!

Hospitals are satan's spawn

12.12.2005
dude i am so about to rant so be careful...

my freaking ER bill is $1800!!!!! what the heck is up with that!? i almost fell out of my seat. i swear just when ya think it can't get any worse it does...so never relax! man...i'm in shock right now. and to top it off ole boy did NOT appreciate his pics being up on myspace. (note to self- don't become famous and date someone who doesn't like their pic to be in the public) lol...so i took them down. if you got to see them then yeah, that was the crush. ;) he's a cutie. i have no time for cuteness though. i'm about to seriously go sell my body down on sunset...how much do you think a lost girl from the midwest would go for?

noel

12.11.2005
today is a great day. i woke up, finished my book, _dreams from my father_ got a bowl of cereal and now i'm watching "a miracle on 34th street"...which happens to be one of my all time favorite christmas movies (i have it on dvd folks). last night i watched "it's a wonderful life" so my christmas experience is starting to fall into place...i LOVE christmas time. i have $15 to my name right now, i'm strugglin out here ridiculously but i couldn't be happier. there's just something about this holiday that sends me back to my childhood..everything becomes beautiful and sweet. i start to see the good in everything--it's magic. it's the part of my childhood that i never lost...give me some candy canes and mistle toe and i'll be good ;) some day i hope to share this feeling with my own lil mini me. i don't think the crush understands just how important this holiday is to me...when he took me to see the lights and i saw the same amount of excitement on his face that i had on mine something just changed...it kinda scares me how much i like this one. he's been a great christmas present...a great one :)

as for the actual day. i'm excited as heck to go home. my girl vikkie is picking me up from the airport, we're meeting up with my best bud jen and we're going to THE best bbq restaurant in the prairie village area lol (oklahoma joe's) followed by visiting my old job that i miss terribly, then i'm just hanging with my peeps, maybe see my guy best friend marcus. of course i'm pumped to see my mom since i'm such a momma's girl but i have mixed emotions. i don't know if i've said this in a blog but my parents are divorcing..this will be our first split christmas and the kids have definitely been put in the middle. it's really hard to deal with at times. i get really bitter and angry..especially when folks try to mess with my holiday spirit but yeah...i'm going to try my hardest to make the most of it. we get older, things change. the hard times are what help us build the most character, right?

ok enough negative. my movie is on and i have a lil wicker couch and blankie calling my name! happy holidays

forgotten pic

12.09.2005
damn it! i knew i shouldn't have developed my film before it ran out completely....i wanted to take a pic of hugo the frog and forgot..the pics of this cute lil lakers thing will just have to wait. hmph.

rambling

i'm reading wicked right now and it's great actually. i was on my shuttle bus on my way to work and i just started busting out in front of complete strangers...there are these cute lil kids in one chapter that remind of me the kids from "emperors new groove" "ya huh, uh huh, ya huh uh huh" sigh....i'm loving it.

it's friday night and i'm just chillin at home...trying to get up some energy to clean up my nasty apartment...do something but it ain't happenin. might have to be a nice night in bed with a book. i can't remember the last time i had a date with myself.

ok i'm going to finish watching made on mtv...asian girl that can belt episode and then i'm getting in the bed.

hugo the frog

12.07.2005
ok if you have a sensitive tummy you may want to stop reading right now. ;)

so today was hardcore busy day. the kind where the time literally is on crack and you sweat from the pace....i guess that was good. the crush and i had decided wednesday nights would officially be our date nights so i was pumped the day went fast so we could chill together. we do the lunch thing and take walks on our breaks but i'm spoiled...after work we went to go see this movie (aeon flux). it was just aight but we saw it at Graumans Chinese Theater...how cool is that? it's beautiful inside...i mean beautiful. i was a little blown away..i mean they have red carpet events there...and eerily enough i couldn't visualize myself there for myself some day...extremely exhausted so i won't read into that at all. so we see the movie and then we're walking out and he sees one of those build a bear stores and wants to go inside which i think is cute but silly cuz i normally hate teddy bears..sorry it's just clutter to me. but there was the cutest frog that you could make and he totally took charge. he got me the frog (shout out to my jen's rico!) and then the sweetness began..he put two hearts in it..one for him and one for me and then the guy helping him asked how long we had been dating...to which he replied two months so he made him jump up and down twice, kiss it twice and then make a wish for me....so he did that and he put his voice on the little recorder that goes in hugo's hand. hugo now says little sayings that we secretly share between us...including this really cute way he says my full name...i know cheese ball city but it was so adorable and he SOOO wasn't trying to pull an ick factor like carrie from sex and the city and her little russian man..it wasn't ick factor at all. lol...he then preceded to put a lakers warm up jersey on hugo--that was ick but i allowed it cuz it's a little piece of my crush. hugo has a birth certificate and he's mexican/black/white...nice lil combo i think. ;) i was floored away by how unbelievably cute this crush of mine can be...i tell ya what. it made the fast paced whatever of my day just melt away...it's the little things in life right?

sigh....this one is special folks...definitely one to keep your eye on...

revolutionary petunia

12.05.2005
lately i've been questioning whether or not i live up to the idea of a revolutionary petunia...strong beautiful fragile and strong rolled into one. days like my last acting class definitely show me that i can be stubborn and strong. i knew my class was going to be a hard one. i've been really burnt out on memorizing lines and so of course that's going to affect how i perform lol..i basically sucked tonight cuz i wasn't comfortable with my mouth...and my partner didn't trust my intended pauses so we just shat all over the whole darn thing...she tore us apart for an hour and then allowed the next group to come up and do a piece from the SAME PLAY ahhh! so of course they rocked it on the first try..and of course my ex partner was the guy in the scene and totally was letting it go to his head...correcting her and telling her how it really was and how she was wrong..his cockiness was quite the thorn in my prideful side lol. he's in charge of our class fees right now...i picked the wrong class pet to loathe i guess. this class is great and challenges me, but at the same time it's seriously starting to make me doubt my instinct that i've always carried with me thru out the years....it's harder for me to tapp into emotions..harder for me to let go and allow myself to feel how the character is supposed to feel..i hate being vulnerable now. it's so weird. i'm going to continue classes until the first week of january and then i'm taking a break to take some new classes and see if it's the atmosphere or just my self-esteem depleting me. how do actors that we see on the silver screen every day handle all of this? it's a trip that's for sure. i feel at times that i'm on a merry-go-round and when i'm finally able to stop and rest, my brain is still spinning and i'm still not able to just be. crazy i know. the holidays are coming up though and i'm going to take that time to really get my act together. i didn't come this far just to break at the first tennessee williams play a woman throws my way. :) by the way i have new found respect for elizabeth taylor cuz playing maggie in "a cat on a hot tin roof" is hard ish! well that's it for now. i have to start coming up with a new years resolution here soon..last year was "strive in the 05" we'll see what inspiration i get when dreaming about all there is to come in 06. :) ps. she freaking critiqued my appearance...she basically said i looked like crap...trying to get me to be sexy or whatever..so i totally over compensated and almost grabbed my partner's crotch...lol. she thankfully stopped the scene but how embarrassing is that!? tish....sometimes i wonder about you

i'm going down

11.30.2005
I’ve decided there are two types of people frolicking along in the world…those that will listen to your probs when you’re at your lowest and those that find your need to reach out to someone as weak and draining…Both in my opinion still cause me to feel like a complete dufus but I’d much rather have the first set in my life. I can remember back in high school sitting by my future best friend as she poured her heart out to me over a boy that had broken her heart...and I thought to myself, this girl feels so guilty for sharing her story and I just wanted to hug her and tell her it was ok...shortly after this thought a group of our supposed friends ganged up on her and attacked her for being so draining…I’ve never met nastiness face-to-face quite like that, but I can definitely tell who I should and shouldn’t be fake to when it comes to my woes. I can’t believe people were allowed to create an art form like the blues...you think the first person to belt out “my baby left me” would get stoned to death…So I’m feeling overwhelmed…a little bummed. (explains my choice of topic obviously) As I’m going thru this and getting support from my buddies I ask myself if these are the things that will make me stronger. I’m ok when facing that question, but will it, can it make friendships stronger? I’m quite scared of that…Who wants to be around what my twin would describe as “the Debbie Downer”? We go thru life with this façade of happiness and think we’re supposed to smile thru the ruff patches…who taught us this? Boo on that I say. Do you think buying a lottery ticket would be a silly idea?

orange pee

11.28.2005
last night was kind of scary. so i had this amazing weekend but towards the end my body started to shut down on me. i ended up getting an extremely bad UTI (i'm not gonna spell that out folks) and having to be rushed to the hospital last night...mind you i do not have insurance. yeah. i'm feeling a lot better today, despite the orange pee and my growing fear that the ER bill is going to be out of control. life is so crazy. i know that things will work out. that it's all a test of my character but christmas is approaching and i won't have money to get my nieces, nephews or godchildren anything. it's just gonna have to be one of those years. money. it's so lovely and so hideous all at the same time.

i'm trying to find some kind of peace because my soul is starting to stir. i knew i wouldn't get results as soon as i first made it out here but yet i do...i just want things to happen. i want to be successful and fulfilled in terms of this one dream. i feel like bills are piling and my dream is fading more and more away. no time or money...man. i had to sit in front of a mirror today and tell myself out loud. you will be a great actress, people will hear your words some day and you will be the ultimate tish you can be. hopefully i said it loud enough for the universe to hear it. hopefully...

i once was lost

11.27.2005
wow it seems like i haven't had a chance to sit down and just be me for quite some time. i've been in and out of my apartment, catching glimpses of my lil borrowed laptop and pining for moments where i could sit my behind down and type away. so here i am.

i just had a great lil thanksgiving break. on wednesday night i went to my girl's house to spend the night so we could cook for thanksgiving day. i made a two hour potato salad and banana dessert, my speciality. it was a lot of fun..i felt like a kid playing grown up though. being away from my family for the first time was kinda weird...walking outside into warmth instead of chilly weather also thru me for a loop. l.a.'s gotta grow on me just a little more.

thanksgiving day we ate, slept and watched movies...lazy beautiful day...watched the freaking lions game which they lost terribly...the crush was supposed to come over that morning and hang before his family events but his dad came into town so i didn't see him..i still haven't seen him actually and i'm pathetically going thru withdrawals...slap me!

the next day my bud and i came back to my house and we went out to dinner and a 'club' after that...it was a blast hanging with my roomie, our mutual friend and my girl. even though they're a little older than us and have their ish together we still have a lot in common as single women in los angeles and that was a blast to discover. you can do anything when you have great company around yourself...i'm thankful for good friends this holiday weekend.

as for yesterday i had the weirdest day...we went to breakfast sat. morning at this lil diner down the street that i love called cindy's. you sit in these little orange booths and you order the most amazing omelettes and ya just chill...

then we went and picked up my roomie and the mutual friend and we headed to this shopping area called the grove....on the way to the grove/at the grove we saw celebrity siting after celebrity siting...tracy morgan--who i happened to knock for having big rims on his jaguar, gina davis!!!!! (i just wanted to run up to her and tell her i loved her show) she's really really tall and was chillin at a movie on a saturday night. that was cool and lela rashon i'm spelling that wrong but oh well. it was funny to watch my little groupie butt go wild...at least they didnt' see it though ;)

we went and window shopped, ate good food in this little market area of the grove and saw the movie "walk the line". i don't know how to describe it or whether or not to recommend it just yet...i think i'm confused because i was expecting this great love story and it was mostly about his life, not necessarily the both of theirs but i guess it was a good movie. long but good. ok i'll recommend it ;)

after that my girlie and i came home and played on myspace all night long...so slumber party-esque. :) it has been a fun weekend. my cellie died though and so i haven't been able to talk to any family members or anything just yet but i'm hoping to clean, pay some bills, catch up with 'real' life today. it should be cool...miles davis' cd is playing...now i'm found

class

11.22.2005
Class was a lot of fun. It was short too…traffic on the 405 was ridiculous. A ride that usually takes me 15 min. tops took me over an hour…I was heated and so when I got in I walked in on them already performing…so I quietly sat down and my coach immediately started yelling and I mean yelling at the girl performing…I mean I know my teacher was stressed about traffic but jeez…she was saying stuff about we've practiced this three times. I see no changes yadda yadda so I'm thinking great it's gonna be a bad night for me..there's only 5 of us in class too… So she finally has her stop and we do improv the rest of the night and I rocked it. I had to play a bougie (sp?) sister at the thanksgiving dinner table and she loved it. the first thing out of my mouth was "I want the white meat" and it was over she loved it. so yeah..i have my improve moments. She was just loving me all night. Good night!

time keeps on slippin

11.20.2005
it's crazy when i'm chillin and having a blast and randomly think to myself, "i can't wait to blog this"....

so today was a good day that ran a little too long. i made plans to go to brunch with my girl and roommate down in marina del rey. we went to this little restaurant on the water that had the best food and never ending glasses of mimosa..um and i'm not exaggerating. we got there at 10 and by noon we were faded...it was hot on the water today for some reason (usually when you're that close to the ocean it's chilly) it was a record high today though so we were baking...while drinking. not a good combo. i was lit and loving life. we sat there for two hours and just laughed and had a good ole time. then we walked around this little shopping area and there was this cool little band playing so we sat under an umbrella, let the sun hit us and listened to old school music...they played "at last" by etta james and the woman singing waled it. i sat back in my chair, sobered up, let the breeze hit my face and BACK! and enjoyed life. after that things got weird. we were supposed to leave after that but my roommate's boyfriend kept thinking we had to keep hanging out since it's my girl's birthday week so we just kept hanging and hanging out at her house, listening to music from their generation (lol..disco no!) and then this nucca invites his movie director friend over..it's late by now. the sun has gone down. i haven't heard from the crush all day...and i'm hungover. so this director comes over and the boyfriend just starts whaling into me about taking this serious...asking me questions, misinterpreting my answers and therefore making me feel like a complete idiot in front of this dude..i didn't know what to say or do. i wasn't prepared.i was heated. really mad...plus i haven't heard from the crush! i spent the whole day answering questions about him, defending my feelings for him and my decisions and then i'm sitting up in the joint wondering about him all weekend...it just went sour. now i'm watching my favorite show in the world, grey's anatomy so things are looking up but still. i haven't gotten a chance to really sit back and think today...to just chill and ponder so my brain is off. i can't even really get out "me" in this blog tonight. losing time is the worst feeling...

Sitting in My Room

11.19.2005
so brace yourself..this could be a rather long blog. my stinkin internet was down for a bloody week. i've seen just how deep my addiction to myspace runs...i was going crazy. i'm back now though!

so just to bring ya'll up to speed. monday i did not go to acting class because i was dreafully ill...so my EX acting partner calls me that night at 11:44 mind you to see what's up with me...grrrr. i've got a monster on my hands. don't know how to handle that one really. i was cranky as heck though and asked why in the heck i'd be up if i was sick and that he didn't need to check on me...he wasn't my man...it didn't work though. he called me at my job the next day too :( sigh...we'll see.

the rest of the week was cool. i still have butterflies for my boy. he'll say things like "anything for my girl" and i swoon...i literally swoon. my eyes kinda flutter and my breath stops for a little tiny bit. it's the weirdest thing. ya'll are sick of hearing about that though! he is pretty great though! hee hee. we saw kiss kiss bang (i think that's the name of it) the val kilmer movie...it was pretty hilarious. i recommend it. they're not pubbing it too much but it's a fun one for sure. my boy and i had a talk about what we're doing, where we're at...according to him (i'm laughing as i say this because we actually had to have the silly talk) i'm in a 'preliminary' stage to see if we should date seriously. he said that and you'd think i'd slap him but i was kind of impressed. it's quite adorable that this guy is so protective of his heart. he's right too...we all should be. it's ours isn't it? i'm not that controlled and collected though. he still looks at me that way and when he does i flash into the future and see myself with this guy for years so i'm passed the controllable point. lol

i just found out my childhood best friend is engaged! how crazy is that...see that's what happens when your internet crashes...great things happen. my girl is getting married. we've known each other since 1st grade...and now she's leaving my "kidult" stage and becoming a grown up. if my best friend pulls that ish anytime soon i'll kill her. i can only take so much shock at a time. ;)

i also went to the dmv today to get my cali license. it's almost official. i have to go back for that darn written exam but after that...i'll be an official resident. how weird is that? at one point i couldn't see myself in california...and now i feel like i've been here for years...well besides the point that i haven't gone exploring the city yet..but hey gas is expensive!

last night i went and saw my girl's play that she's a stage manager of. it's so lovely to see people in their element not only doing the damn thing but doing it well. i found myself zoning out from the play and just being so giddy that my girl had helped in its creation. she's the bomb ya'll...i love having talented buds. we went and saw harry potter after that at 11:50 p.m.! i was dying...i got home at 3 in the morning...how crazy is that. totally worth it though. i love harry!

i just bought a sofa for my darn living space area thing and now i'm about to balance my checkbook and then go see soul circus.or something like that...it sounds fun. life in cali is great isn't it?!

commercial

11.15.2005
i just saw the funniest commercial! it's two samurai warrior peeps that are fighting crouching tiger style. one of the warriors starts to flip towards the other and so the guy standing screams out "whoa, you're way better than me you'll kick my butt, do you know of anyone on my level" and then the other guy points to a guy behind a tree eating a bagel. lol....then those two begin to fight. hilarious! sorry. maybe i'm delirious.

i was listening to my "adventures to los angeles" cd that my best friend made me for the trip out here..."wide open spaces" by the dixie chicks...whenever i start to get caught up in boys, work, life away from acting that song can always bring me back. sigh...love it! i'm back folks!!!

sabotage

11.14.2005
i have this creeping feeling that i'm cursed. that i have this horrible effect on people --cool and interesting for a minute but the kiwi luster fades and they're left with the plain jane tishy. is anyone else scared to death that people, specifically your crush, will stop thinking you're the coolest girl in the world?

i need to go to bed. maybe i've been watching too much laguna beach...maybe i'm not in high school anymore and i need to stop worrying and enjoy what i have and be thankful...or maybe that's easier said than done. who knows. every day produces a new stance

we're all apart of the cosmic joke...

11.13.2005
i wanna wear a band aide over my forehead to hide a zit that i'm trying to mask for my love. i want to get hot for a date with the man that's had to fight for me to just acknowledge we're dating....i wanna be in movie love!!!

gosh i love grey's anatomy!

thru someone else's eyes

so i have been going over my darn lines all weekend long. i'm so burnt out on lines but i knew i had to come correct with my new partner, the perfect girl from class. so today at 1:30 we got together to go over the lines and it was great...we went over them for awhile and she was equally struggling with memorizing this gigantic mess otherwise known as a long ass play. we did that for an hour or so and then we started talking about our male partners in the class...get this, she had a guy that was trying to practice the kissing a little too much too. we sat and laughed about how much we dislike these people...how you feel somehow violated because they're breaking that professional code of acting that we're all supposed to uphold...the guys apparently didn't get the memo. so then we talked about boyfriends (she's dating a pretty up there actor which is so funny to hear about...red carpets? what?) i talked about my crush and we both giggled...then she told me the one thing that i needed to hear so desperately bad out here...she said that the first night i joined the class and did that monologue that i thought our teacher was going to kill me over she was in awe because i was that good. it was one of the best compliments ever. it's funny that i watch her and think she's it..that she's got everything going for her and she's thinking i've got all this talent that's putting her to shame...isn't it funny when we see ourselves thru someone else's eyes? i was on some kinda high after that. i went over lines some more, asked my girl to help me practice tomorrow during our lunch break and since then i've just been talking to friends and family and in between that getting snippets from this amazing book by barack obama...this month's book club choice. it's great. i recommend it for all. democrat or republican, black, white, whatever. it's just good....

well it's almost time for my shows to come on...grey's anatomy waaa hoooo!!!!

it's alright cuz it's saturday night

11.12.2005
so mr. funkmaster play the bee gees

it's saturday night and i'm doing something i absolutely have come to love. i'm painting my toesies red. (sing it like you would the alice and wonderland song...now aren't you glad i got that stuck in your head?)

i'm about to read some books and do everything in my power possible to procrastinate memorizing my darn lines for class on monday...it's just so hard...i hate doing it...waaaa. i'll feel different tomorrow when i'm trying to practice with my perfect partner and she's stabbing me with a knife for not having it down pat. oh well...i'm just not feeling it. my roomie has strep throat, an ear infection and a sinus infection...i think i'm mimicking her ailments...the hypochondriac in me always prevails but i'm drinking o.j. so maybe not this time.

last night i went and saw pride and prejudice...it was great! phenomenal and beautiful work. there wasn't any over acting--it was just simplistically beautiful and i appreciate that currently. keira did the darn thing...funky eyebrows and all. (for all of you who don't know i can't stand funky eyebrows...wax, tweeze, thread whatever--just PLEASE dont show me that ish...maybe that's why i can't stand raven simone..her stuff is out there whack!) so back to the movie. it was really good and even though i've read the book and knew what would happen i still held my breath in certain scenes and still cried at the end when the heroine realized who her love was and agonized over thinking she had lost him...there's also a beautiful father/daughter scene that will start any true boo-hooer going.

ok. time to read. on the list so far: the elfstones of shannara (my crush insists i read this since it's one of his fav's from high school), wicked and dreams from my father (barack obama). can she do it...can she read all of these books before christmas when her best friend will pile her up with more? can she stay awake long enough to dent a chapter? is it crazy that this is the first time she's ever 'cheated' on a book by reading multiples at the same time? does this mean she's not a true bookworm? you decide. stay tuned for next week's drama when our heroine confronts her crush and tells him his book will just have to wait in line....

find the one who makes you laugh...

11.10.2005
I love that this man can make me laugh so hard my stomach muscles scream out "FIRE!" He had me rolling so hard I had tears coming down..and all because the boy was mocking me walking in the rain with my kiwi umbrella. I know i've gotta come down from this high sometime but I hope it's not soon! A woman at work today told me that she loves the way he looks at me--that it puts her in a good mood ;) His one little dimple came out when I told him that today. I'm head over heels for the guy and scared out of my mind all at the same time. This guy is amazing...I try to stretch my mind to think of someone I felt something even remotely close to this but can't come up with ISH. He makes me happy and when I hear all those cheesy songs on the radio I sing them loud and crazy now. Well I sang like that before, but now I can justify that ish ;) I can't/won't say too much...that scared stuff is hard to deal with!

OK changing subject....now! Everybody Hates Chris. Right on....right on. The woman on the show has a problem with her credit lol...lately that seems like me. I'm turning into a shopping fool. Does anyone else shop to feel pretty or is that just me? Anyone? .....anyone?

positive vibes

11.08.2005
is it just me?

when i have a bad day i wake up the next morning and try to shake off the nastiness from the day before...therefore, i eat something different for breakfast, do my hair different, etc. lol..is this a tad bit superstitious? does anyone else do this ish? :)

hopefully an egg and cheese sandwhich can propel the universe to send me more positive vibes today :)

P.S.

11.07.2005
so i just got out of class and it was great again. i'm really starting to feel my groove. i did my monologue from never been kissed and i rocked it. i felt like a kid bringing home my first drawing to my mommy. lol...the bad thing, i got a ticket after class for parking and my partner was trying to talk to me about the kiss...so i did what any respectable girl would do i immediately started talking about this huge crush i have on someone and how i was using that person as inspiration for my piece...i mean i truly was-it's just normally i wouldn't verbalize such personal things...and that was that. hopefully my intense emotional twitterpations can keep him at arms length for a couple of months.

my coach did tell me i have to figure out specifically what i want to do with my acting career and the amount of time which means i have to turn into a robot and start doing the dang thing...i'll be looking into an improv class tomorrow and headshots are more than likely to come too...as long as i can stop with the parking tickets!

random side note: can i get the fobfo award for the day? in case you don't know that's (freaking out before finding out) i was having moments all day where i was pulling that stuff..my body will pay for it later...groan

the X

Last night I attended a dinner with my roommate, her best friend and another friend. It was perfect because we had all this amazing food and conversation—home made sangria…mmmm it was nice. One woman brought up the issue of men in L.A. and the type of guy our energy naturally attracts. For instance, she said she attracted ‘mama’s boys’. I on the other hand attract the ‘preacher’s son” while another friend determined pretty boys seek her out. How unbelievably depressing though to think that chemically speaking we’re destined to attract certain folks. I think that’s pretty jacked! Of course, I’m aware of the fact that there’s always an exception but dang.



Today’s been a very slow blah day. It’s been Donnie Darko all frickin day and cold…Thank you weatherperson for the incorrect forecast. Tonight is my acting class and I recently learned I will be doing a scene with the perfect girl in my class..this makes blah day even better. For every up there is a down right? I had an amazing up last night. I was waiting on the roomie to come down so we could drive to the dinner party and I noticed the sun was about down, the sky was almost completely black but you could still see outlines of clouds lazily passing by and I just stopped, dropped my bag and looked up and took it all in and thanked God for such a beautiful life, eyes to see it and a heart to understand it. I love those moments.



On a goofier note, I went to an amusement park with a friend and rode the most amazing rollercoaster. It scared me so much I lost my breath! That’s amazing! I figured out my body/strength/energy isn’t what it used to be but it was a fun time nonetheless

a kiss is just a kiss

11.06.2005
so tonight's grey's anatomy was really sweet. i walked away with a kissing theme and it was lovely (you know me and my whole kissing thang i have). how unbelievably sweet is it to imagine your last first kiss...'the kiss'...first kisses. we all have these great stories, all of us. i love it...i'm actually trying to rememorize a monologue i hooked my agent with that's about kissing...it's from the movie never been kissed movie. i just love the thought. and that's all i have to say about that :)

why does ku have to be in kansas?!

11.04.2005
ok so i rep my alma mater like a mo....i can't seem to get enough of my kansas t-shirts and sweatshirts but man it hurts wearing those darn things when i continue to read stories of kansas' ongoing evolution debate in school...ouch. why must kansans continue with the madness...dayum! i'm from the missouri side that's all i gots to say!

so tomorrow is my roomy and i's housewarming party. i hope it all goes well. my girl brandi is bringing over her little wee one, jalen, who reminds me a lot of my little favorite person in the world, pay pay. i love little kids. especially little one year olds that act like they're grown..yes he speaks in full sentences and carries himself like a respectable young man..it's amazing to watch. ok my weird old acting partner is calling me on a friday night...we don't work together NO MO so why is this boy callin me? hmph

on to better news and somewhat scary at the same time...so of course my crush and i are spending a lot of time together and doing the whole cutsie thing and people at work are starting to notice but it's almost as if they're trying to sabotage...like for instance today. i get off the elevator that a lot of my co-workers are on to go get him for lunch and they start screaming at me that it's shady i'm ditching all of them for a dude...do we have to announce that to the whole corporation?! but then i see him and the embarrassment subsides. he's got one, not two, but one dimple and when it pops its self out i'm a completely different person. isn't that just sick and twisted? even i'm disgusted by the cuteness.

as for my true passion, i don't have a script quite yet for my class on monday. i should be alarmed but i worked my butt off on last week's so i'm not too worried. she does want to put me with the 'perfect' girl though for my next duo...the model with the gorgeous accent, face, body, personality. ya can't help but get butt twitches.

ok that's enough. time for bed. i had a relevant blog to write today. i read something in the news but i've totally lost it...that tends to happen to me. go figure. oh i remember now...it's about this persian woman ( i believe she's persian) who was raped to punish her brother who committed a crime...we'll discuss when my eyes aren't rolling in the back of my head!

hasta luego

my ojos hurt!

11.03.2005
my eyeballs hurt i'm so tired!

so last night i went to this really phenomenal event called flypoets at this place called the conga room. it was so dope. i was actually kind of worried because i was taking my crush and i was nervous he wouldn't dig that type of thing...it being poetry and all but as soon as we got there this dude started blowin out songs and then started playing a violin to hip hop....a filipino guy. it was great..i looked over at v and he was totally hooked...that's how i know this guy is amazing. so the rest of the evening was great...we listened to some very talented folks--some did the spoken word thang...others sang (shout out to tasha taylor, that girl can sang) and others brought some hip hop out. it was really cool...my roommate and her friends were out with us. it was beautiful. then afterwards v and i sat and talked for three hours...um yeah, until two in the morning. which explains why i'm hurting today. i've never been so giggly and hurt all at the same time. lack of sleep is deadly. it's time for bed

crushin

11.01.2005
one of my all time favorite and most fascinating human beings, ms. teresa--the lover of jake gyllenhaal--sent me an email saying she reads my blog and it put me in a fantastically swell mood all day...despite the fact that i was dead tired after talking to my crush until midnight. don't you just love the beginning of something? i sit and i look at this man and i feel the butterflies and i secretly wish for some kind of bottle to throw them in so i can feel them later. have you ever tried to go back to the emotions and feelings you had when you met your love for the first time? it's harder than heck..you know the gist but it's hard to recreate all the emotions and thoughts that were going thru your head.

on another note, i'm watching commander in chief and this has got to be one of the best shows of the darn season. i LOVE gina davis in this role! her power and intelligence as Mack are mezmorizing! she's beautiful! beautiful! :)

googlisms

i did this thing called a googlism.com search and this is what it told me about myself...funny how we look to other things...horoscopes, fortune tellers to tell us what we already know...lol. well at least some of it...can i just say my mouth dropped open when i read the one about big hair...who is this googlism wizard and how did she/he know?!

tish is a big fish
tish is all tru"
tish is traditionally centered around the charisma and leadership of the rabbi
tish is a mystical experience
tish is truly a light of inspiration
tish is only now reacting
tish is moaning
tish is a jewel with an angel's voice and i/we are so lucky to have her live and sing within our community
tish is currently touring as part of the ambitious border tour
tish is a mixture of fameous gothic ladies such as vampira
tish is amazing

tish is very active in her community
tish is currently working simultaneously for both the design and construction divisions
tish is the softest
tish is part of upside's grand plan to spice up net journalism with an unhealthy dose of sensationalism and adolescent naughtiness
tish is a hispanic joan baez
tish is a lovely woman and jeff falls in love with her at first sight
tish is one of those girls with big hair who sits in the back of the classroom
tish is one of my best friends
tish is closed nov
tish is a california transplant from indiana
tish is also a big movie buff and she can never turn down chocolate
tish is a very cool woman who has always lived life to the full
tish is afraid of being separated from her brother
tish is spiritual
tish is perfect
tish is looking for someone to take over the arrangements she has begun making
tish is an underachieving "big hair girl
tish is an owner
tish is better at jumping
tish is skilled in leadership
tish is bursting inside with fear and rage
tish is a personable and apparently persuasive individual
tish is tish
tish is faced with the reality of giving up "her" baby
tish is appalled when the slang the others make up about her use of verbose intellectual references catches on across the entire nation
tish is hot
tish is the always chipper front
tish is the brains of the outfit
tish is a tall
tish is a free woman and she can do as she pleases
tish is wonderful
tish is one of our favorite instructors
tish is the newest member of the free lance staff
tish is talking about doing some knitting soon and i'm busy working out the best ways to make it entertaining for all of us
tish is singing
tish is the bestest ever
tish is somewhat dismayed that she must go to san antonio

little fish

ok so yesterday was a good day....with a bad blip in the middle. work was cool but at the end of the day my brother's girlfriend called me to tell me one of my favorite human beings was really sick, my nephew payton (aka pay pay) i just started bawling...i immediately started flashing back to the first time i watched him by himself when he was just a new baby and how he would just look up at me in the sweetest ways...i couldn't handle it. he's got a high fever so of course i just call my mom and she settles my butt down...coupled with this really awesome friend of mine at work who has a kid so knows a thing or too. i hope my little guy is ok..104 temps folks. pray for my pay pay...kiwi vibes...whatever works for you.

after i recouped from that i went to acting class (well i hung with my crush) and then went to acting class and I ROCKED IT!!! i did NOT want to perform this skit anymore with my partner and so i just kept inside my character's head. we did some improv with them and i was seriously feeling her...it was great and i got out there and i did my thing and afterwards michele--the teacher--stood there silent at first and then just started clapping and saying "wow....wow" then she asked me how i felt and i told her i felt like her and she agreed, then she said i didn't have any comments..but she gave him some (hee hee) and then the best news of all...she told us we were done..no more on that scene! that was a great feeling. i'm still here...i still have it! i'm not a little city big fish moving to the ocean! i'm a young fish about to blow the heck up!!!! yesterday was a dang good day. :) that's all i gotta say. i'm about to call my little one to see if he's alright too, plus i got pics of my godchildren in the mail. today's gonna be tiring (stayed up on the phone way too long) but it'll be good...

guy

wiggle your big toe

10.30.2005
can i just say that last night was the BOMB!...the reason i know this is becasuse i'm nursing pains from moving around like a crazy woman...my body hurts!

so friday night my roommate and i hopped on a plane and went to sacramento to visit my twinny twin twin for the weekend. i had a blast. friday night was really chill but saturday was just on and poppin. we woke up and went shopping for our halloween costumes and had a blast. there's nothing better than acting like a dang fool with your girls in public. we all got together and tried these nasty little jelly beans (harry potter ones) that were nasty and a half! dirt, vomit, bougar...um yeah. i ate a dirt one..the first time i got cinamon so i wasn't ready for it ya'll and it was hilarious to watch the others gagging over that ish. i love those moments of extreme silliness..they're the things that keep life interesting and fun.

we got wigs, stockings and other goodies for our kill bill costumes and went home and got ready and that in itself was great. i helped make go go's ball & chain. i now consider myself to be a 'ball & chain makin' guru in case anyone ever needs help in that department. after getting dressed i totally understood people's desire to act a fool on halloween. as soon as that blonde wig went on i felt like a completely different person....at that moment i turned into 'bouncing off the walls hyper active tish' and it was great!!!! we went to this CRAZY halloween ball party that's designed to be like the exoti erotic in san francisco...vice versa can't remember? but anyways..how come i walked into this place and there were people in dominatrix outfits spanking each other, dildoes abound....my poor little innocent eyes couldn't handle that ish. i had my mouth open almost the whole night with extreme shock. there was one little guy walking around with a huge penis attached that he was spraying silly string out of...um yeah. he skeeted all over a guy in our group. priceless....priceless i say.

anywho it was fun to let loose with those folks. i had a great time. halloween's making a come back in my eyes. not to mention our costumes were pimp! ya gotta admit it!

now it's time to go back to same ole same ole...hmph. for one night though i was 'the bride' and i wiggled my damn big toe

back of the bus

10.28.2005
i'm late, i know, but rosa parks has died...people that made differences are passing. when i heard the news this morning i was listening to this new amazing artist named lela james...you should pick up her album. she's got this song (that i was listening to) called music. she belts out how no one sings soul anymore..no one makes music and her voice is so raw and real...it makes me wanna cry...doesn't it seem like the times of purpose and change are gone. to be continued...

isn't it swell?

10.26.2005
i love the fall. i love twinkle lights on trees. i LOVE sushi and i love being up at 11:11 p.m., chillin on the net and listening to me'shell vibe it all up in my little sweet apartment.

if you're asking then i'm telling you it's yes

10.24.2005
hey guys.

so today was yet another great day. i mean i knew as soon as i woke up that i'd have a great day..i got ready for work...the radio played every song that could possibly get me grooving including "every little thing you do, you're on my mind"... YOU--ARE--ON--MY--MIND. i love it! then i get half way to work and figure out that i've left my all important badge at home...that gets me into the building...and you'd think i'd start to stress but i was like whatever. get to work, my computer's broke and i'm still like whatever. why am i so chipper? cuz i met someone and everything about the dude makes me giddy. lol. i was just talking to my best friend jen and she was commenting on an email i had sent her. in it i had said that i felt this guy could look at me and see things that no one else has ever seen and jen told me that she had had the same feeling about her current guy who she's been with for years....that i absolutely love. so that was kinda cool to share. my high could inspire so many soundtracks at this very moment..i'd have to have lots of different ones to really grasp all of the different emotions new crushes can produce in a sista.

as for other silly notions: i didn't have acting class tonight which was cool. i came home, did some laundry, put on a mask, i'm watching "all of us" which i haven't been able to watch since my big night and now i'm chillin on the internet...which someday will be my downfall. life's good though for real. my niece's birthday is coming up this weekend. she'll be one. it's cute as heck! i have my halloween costume all picked out..i'm going as uma from kill bill...my girls are also dressing up like the other deadly assassins and did i mention i'm crushin on someone? people there's nothing more beautiful! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm lovin it

grey's

10.23.2005
god grey's anatomy was phenomenally painful to watch... stop reading if you haven't seen the episode and you plan to watch it on your precious tivo.

so the story about the woman who's heart breaks every year on a specific day because it's the day her soul mate died...a woman who's heart tries to break every year because she remembers her true love...damn i feel like crying now. i can't help it. i'm a hopeless romantic. always have been. i sat up and giggled when sandra oh kissed her doc. don't you just love it when a show wraps you up in the moment and you can't help the high you get?! i just heard my roomie come up the stairs so i had to rush outside and tell her. our neighbors probably think i'm weird but i don't care. that was great!

that's unfortunate

ok so i'm practicing with my acting partner and we know we have to practice this really awkward kissing scene...so we do it. it's fine we're cool (I FEEL NOTHING) but then he smiles at me and asks if we can practice again and my heart just sunk....he tells me he's broken up with his girl...that he's interested in me...i can't even verbalize the sheer shock i'm experiencing right now..aren't we supposed to be actors?! aren't we supposed to be able to ACT like we're together without wanting to be together? i'm so confused and this is gonna make class so dreadful...no matter what, i'm screwed.

purple star

10.22.2005
The other day in traffic i ran over a purple star in the road...a little stuffed purple star and i was quite sad... lol. Is there supposed to be some kind of meaning in my running over a star near the hollywood freeway?

p.s. isn't "man in the mirror" one of the best jams of all times?! i get on my m.j. kick and i go buck wild!

mi casa

10.20.2005
i'm finally going home folks!!!!

this week has been mad crazy...just trying not to get sick from all the peeps at my job, packing, shopping for christmas gifts and trying not to drown in my excitement. sigh...gotta love this time of the year. i think my blood's turned into cinnamon..i'm just bubbling with christmas!

so wish me luck...i've got a lot of 'newness' waiting for me back home...i guess it's true..you do gotta know where you come from before you can move ahead...i've got madd things to figure out, family wise, relationship wise, self wise and i'm going to definitely use that time to attempt to figure it out.

no more acting classes until january and i'm glad...i need to get my head straight. my goal is to be doing the dang thing...emmercing myself into my art this year. to do that i really need to focus.

as for local stuff. the crush and i have a dinner planned tomorrow and i'm cooking for this boy lol...please pray for a sista--hope i don't kill the boy...he just doesn't know. i got him a really great gift though...he doesn't read this thing so i can share :) so i got him a book of poems from hughes..my main man, the man that's got me typing in green cuz we both love and appreciate the poet of the people..and some music that he shared with me on our first date...dean martin. hopefully the boy likes it ;) still twitterpatted ya'll!

wee little ones

can i just say that THE weirdest thing ever has happened to me? for the first time in my whole life someone has been able to reduce me to a stumbling clumsy nervous giggly dork and it's a little unnerving...a girl can't have any kind of game when her face immediately turns red...speech speeds up and you can't help but smile, but it's so funny to witness..even i have to laugh. my friends keep asking me what the heck is wrong...i kind of like it. nice little high. :)

what is beauty

10.18.2005
so last nights class...sigh

so i thought i would do way better..i was more prepared this time but i just have this weird doubt that keeps creeping in...these ugly little voices saying i'm not an actress, i'm not beautiful, i'm too fat..blah blah blah. last night the voices were so loud i just wanted to scream. i managed to shut them up long enough to fake the funk...i know these kids are older, have been here longer but when you're there and you're putting it all out there for them to see and dissect and judge it's hard to be idealistic. i do have to say that i improved a lot. the first time we went she waited until the end to talk to us and told us what we were doing wrong...yadda yadda...how to fix it and so we tried it again...my partner kept freaking me out though..in the scene we're supposed to kiss but we made the decision not to..then he goes and tries to plant one on me! i totally ducked it..no no no! no kisses without practicing that...being comfortable enough with the person...ugh. now

as for the rest of the guys... one guy just met with mel gibson to discuss being in a movie with him..um yeah. these are the dudes i'm meeting with every monday. i plan on sticking with this though..even if it hard...with all the voices in my head, the doubt...i can always count on the strongest voice of all telling me that acting chose me--not the other way around. so even when i'm feeling my lowest there's always gonna be something bigger than me that keeps me going...

i do wonder what happened to the tish i left behind in missouri. that tish knew she had something to say...she disappeared out here and it's hard at times without here...very hard.

monday morning

10.17.2005
Is it sick and twisted that I use personal emotions for my acting? I can sit here and think about something that pains me and then I’ll immediately get excited that I may be able to tap into this emotion to produce something later on…it’s kind of sick actually, but I can’t control it. It’s involuntary like breathing.



Now if I could just take a nap it would be all good. No matter how early I go to bed I’m still tired as heck. What’s up with that? I do apologize that my blogs aren’t as interesting as they used to be. My material isn’t that hot lately I admit. I look forward to blogging just because I’m so unbelievably bored and need to take my mind off of falling asleep. Lol…nodding off is a normal part of my new life. I’m really becoming the “grammama”.



Ok I’m starting to get hyped up for my class…I don’t know what it is about this script/guy I’m working with, but I feel like I’ve been given a challenge. He’s a really good actor. He has this knack for attacking me with his eyes…he’s very intense. not like an al pacino, but close! So having to be married to this man that’s going thru this sort of metamorphasis is really awesome and totally completes me in a way and disturbs me at the same time. I get to be married…but I can’t appreciate him…it’ll be interesting.

my tish day

10.16.2005
man i love my sundays!!!

so today i woke up and layed in bed and whined because i didn't want to do what i had to do for the day but everything turned out swell...i went to my acting partner's house and we rehearsed for a good three hours and it was perfect. i was initially hesitant to work over at his place cuz he's a dude and yeah..i'm a female but his girlfriend was there and i was immediately put at ease and i know she was at ease when she saw what my nasty butt looked like...no showering self. so we got to know each other and he gave me some names of different coaches i could do some good work with...some books to read. it was great. then i came home and helped my home girl research publishing houses for her book followed by a good two hours of reading _wicked_ while listening to miles...good stuff people.

then i had an idea. sundays are fabulous cuz we watch desperate housewives and grey's anatomy so to celebrate we went down the street to pasedena to this adorable little mom and pop's joint called 21 choices which lets you make your own yogurt icecream concoctions (kind of like coldstone) i got french vanilla icecream with cinamon and fresh peaches thrown in it..mmmm. it's like peach cobbler and i'm currently loving it. now i have a little bit before the show comes on..gotta love sundays!!!

tire's busted

10.15.2005
i just tried to go to the movies...i have a flat tire. life sucks

wild horses

10.14.2005
I had this long substantial blog all written out and and I had to leave my desk for a pizza party. Long story made short: I was told to log off and it wiped out my long and beautiful blog. That’s how life goes.



Can I just say that Fridays are beautiful? I was a little off this morning…I woke up and just laid there in the dark and stared at the ceiling…I got in the shower and stuck my face in the cold water pouring down and I still couldn’t wake myself out of the funk. My drive to work wasn’t even that eventful but then I started to talk to my best friend via email and I was randomly reminded of how lucky I am to have such an interesting person to talk to every day. I miss her when she’s not at her desk. I shared our conversations with my new favorite buddy at work and she commented on how “in it” we both are. It’s good to have a best friend that people recognize you were made to be best friends with lol. It’s comforting too might I add.



I’m listening to “wild horses” right now..which happens to be one of my favorite songs of all time. (The girl version thank you very much). It makes me feel pretty. Brandi, my new bud, has an ipod and we swapped music for the day. I just received a call from AMC theaters to possibly interview for a manager position. It would pay way less than my current job but the hours would be more flexible…which is what I need right?! I get so caught up in the corporate web here…having money, being too tired to do anything after work…loving my weekends too much so this could be good. I’ll have to budget like a mutha …we’ll see. We’ll see.

bring on the nerd

10.13.2005
I’ve become that person…the person that has the little bead covers on their car seats to help their back…I now have this little pillow thing lol. I think I might throw up in my mouth a little bit. And please tell me that my blogs will discuss more than just work office blues…office space was funny but there’s only so much we as human beings can take, dang it! on a more positive note, I actually do enjoy driving to work in the morning. I love listening to this morning r&b and hip hop program that ananda lewis hosts. One good thing about L.A. is ya can find some really interesting people on your radio every morning..not to diss Julee jonez and shawn who I miss terribly. This morning I drove in and tried to battle driving while fixing the insert in my tennis shoe…I think it’s finally time to retire the nikes and move on I’m afraid to say. I feel like one of those Chinese woman you read about who used to bind their feet to make them smaller. They are bugging the ultimate crap out of me and I can’t handle it. I’ve been biting people’s heads off all day and it’s totally cuz of my darn foot. Go figure how important foot comfort really is!!! I could beat the crap out of someone right now all because of a stupid insole poking up and making my toes curl…





I hate to be a Debbie Downer as my twin, Chele, would say but I miss “home” so much. It’s funny that I had to leave to feel that it really was home. Everything back there is changing too…my family-the works so I’m really feeling a quote from “Garden State” right now:



“You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.”


I have to book my plane ticket for Christmas soon and I’m kind of scared. With the idea of family vastly changing and my hesitation to join reality it’ll prove to be very interesting. Why did I have to grow up again?





I sat with a cute boy at lunch today in the cafeteria. I’m gonna call him a cute boy because I have a little girl crush...plus it just adds to the cuteness of hanging in a cafeteria. He’s really swell. I couldn’t look at him the whole time we were at lunch because I’d get these little chills up my spine every time he looked at me; giddiness abounds. I wish I knew how to just shut up and be cool when I’m actually crushin on someone, but I don’t. Bring on the dork!

some kinda weird

10.12.2005
I don’t know what your work days are like, but mine are monotonous as all get out. I sit at a computer All day long, ignoring the sharp pains shooting through my lower back. Now I understand the beauty of ergonomic anything! Is this right? Is this how I was meant to support and live out my dream? I work at a place where I’m seriously a number…or worse a temp. I keep telling people my name is Tish, but even the woman who hired me keeps calling me LaTisha. Without fail…every day. I’ve never been more annoyed to hear that name. It used to just irk me for sounding too formal, not it just reeks of impersonal who haw. I was spoiled at my last place of employment! This is why people go crazy at work! The only acting I can even think about is on my lunch break and even then that’s a hard one. I’ve got to get my funds in a reasonably together and then I’ve got to find GOT TO FIND something more open. Either a manager at a bookstore or movie theater…That would be wonderful…The question for the day is, how do all my other fellow co-workers here do the darn thing?



I’ve caught myself three times today dozing off at my desk and my elbow dropping and waking me up lol. I’m glad my cubie buddy doesn’t face my way or he’d be laughing his booty off at me.



On a cuter note, I made a really great friend out here named brandi and she’s the sweetest thing ever so of course I immediately want to hook her up with my cousin…he better not mess this up! It’s cute to see people flirty and twitterpatted though

a kiss

10.10.2005
i'm watching an all day marathon of rozwell (which i've never watched before mind you) and there was this great kissing scene...sigh. it reminds me of a monologue i used to get my current agent:

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.

grey's anatomy

10.09.2005
god i love this show! someone please talk to me about this show...and can i please PLEASE be lucky enough to work on a show like this some day...sigh.

my sunday blues

back in kansas city i started this tradition of ultimate chill time on sundays. i pop in my favorite miles davis cd and do what i want...today that meant going over my monologue and reading an O magazine issue i hadn't yet peeped. it's days like this that make me whole...

years ago i wrote a poem for someone...describing the colors i could see coming out of my soul because of him...lavendars and blues and days like today create that cool calm ode to colors that i felt at the time i wrote that..sometimes being single isn't so bad. when i have quiet "tish" days like this everything's 'kind of blue' and i love that.

it's a gamble

10.08.2005
i'm gambling with my life...sometimes so much that i feel i can't breath. i just accepted this new full time job because i absolutely have to pay my bills...but the only thing is...will i be able to audition? i work at a place where i feel i dont belong...something just doesn't click with the folks there...i come home..two hour commute and i'm exhausted..who has time for working on scripts...auditioning...i know deep down things will work out. i know this is my purpose in life..i'm supposed to do this but dang i wish sometimes i had someone here (i'm talking about a guy folks) that would have my back...supporting me and my goals..giving me that extra umph at night to study ....that push in the morning telling me i can make it thru the day..that i'm doing the right thing. life is so much easier when you have someone in your corner...i've never had anyone in my corner, i've dated, but the one person that has supported me and given me that encouraging sense of peace has no intentions to be mine. so i'm either unlucky or it's just not my time...only God knows.

so i just had this amazingly weird week...i was on tv..the beginning of my dream...i felt this energy..this buzz of happiness and i just felt like light was coming out of me...i began to scream and if i wouldn't have been so exhausted from my first day of work i would have cried probably...i just can't wait for it all..i can't wait for monday when i begin my acting classes and the buzz comes back. my dream is a gamble..i'm gambling with my life and sometimes i can't breath but it's totally worth it!

on a completely different note. i'm watching a commercial where this white boy comes out of a robotic tracy mcgrady...does anyone find that to be a little unnerving..that these black basketball players are just puppets for people to play with? or am i reading too much into that ad? hmmm. i just watched this new show on the WB called "related" and it was really good. it's one of those endearing shows where you want to be the characters...and you're sad when it ends. i liked it alot. i totally recommend it. it comes on the WB on wednesdays. tell me what you think about it.

one more thing...GQ is recognizing jennifer anniston as its "man of the year" because she handled her divorce "like a man"...does that piss anyone else off? lol. i need my sista girls and my best friends here...jen, vikkie..can ya'll please PLEASE move to los angeles?

more blogs tomorrow...i don't have time during the week days so this is it for a while

slap heard round the world

10.04.2005
yeah yeah yeah! you could actually see my behind on my first tv show last night! i'm quite excited. all my buds were calling and screaming and it was so awesome...too bad the scene only lasted 10 seconds or so ...lol. i don't care though! ha! after the show a good friend of mine came over and we went to this club down off of hollywood and vine to see boris kodjoe and the cast of "the gospel"...that was my first time at a club since i've been here! so brandi and i are chillin and having a good ole time when we decide to go to the bar..which led these two gentlemen to stop us thinking we were leaving..which led to us meeting good friends of boris' (look that man up if you do not know who i'm talking about people) who they introduced me to and a comedian i've seen on tv a bunch (chris spencer) and mr. powell...the preacher from the movie. it was a lot of fun. i won't be doing that on a regular basis cuz i'm hurting this morning for real! but the initial guy i met was pubbin me up telling me that i was cool so he'd try to introduce me to a couple of directors (ahhhh!) now if he was just trying to seduce me with names then the giddiness will pass soon but if he's for real then i'm pumped...this town is so crazy...you never know people's true intentions. did i mention that i'm really REALLY tired...5 hours of sleep...are you kidding me?!

you hurt my pinky toe

10.02.2005
can i just say first of all that the chiefs suck for throwing away today's game like they did? booo on that!

i'm chillin in my apartment with my foot up and wrapped cuz it hurts like i don't know what...i can't wait to be able to stand and not be aware that i'm standing...walk and not be aware i'm walking...it'll be a beautiful thang--just beautiful. can i just say i love sundays...lazy days. i'm turning into the worst kinda hermit--i fall deeper and deeper into loving my "tish time"--that all ends tomorrow though when i start my new job :) yeah yeah yeah for that! i also just heard from this acting coach that a friend hooked me up with. not this monday but next i'm going to her class to see how i like it. if i do and she likes me then she' ll take me on and it'll be groovy. i'll practice and hone my skills and when she thinks i'm ready she'll start to introduce me to directors and casting directors she works with like john singleton and folks like that. wouldn't that just be splendid?! ;)

as for now--this very moment--it's desperate houswives/grey's anatomy night...yeah baby. that's some good stuff. i can't wait...did i mention i love sundays?!

yesterday was the book club which was really awesome. it was crazy for the two days leading up to it...my roommate got her furniture at seriously the last minute and we were running around cooking and cleaning like we were kuntas! but the the ladies came, we had a beautiful lunch complete with home made sangrias thanks to a fellow book club friend and just chatted away about the book _the darkest child_ and current affairs. a little bit of man talk hee hee..it was a blast. i can't wait for the next one...shannon definitely makes it interesting here!

serenity review

9.30.2005
waaaaaaa i'm hurting...why God...why?!!!!! ok so that movie pissed me the heck off. lol. i mean i was looking forward to it so much but no one warned me that the creator of that show is sick and twisted and kills people like it's nothing..it doesn't matter if they're intrical to the story so of course they killed someone off that made everyone EVERYONE in the audience gasp and freak out..it was that harsh and unexpected...but i swear i've NEVER been in a movie that seriously has enough action to grab you and shake you thru the whole thing..there were dudes beside me that couldn't close their mouths and people looked exhausted from the stress afterwards. they did a good job of that part...still i cried thru the whole ending and half the freaking way home. is that cool i say? my best friend jen knows that i can NOT handle a movie that doesn't end my way lol. for that alone i don't think i can rewatch this movie but it was good i guess (grrrr)

oh the agony!!!

9.29.2005
why?!!!!!! why?!!!!!! such a dilemma. why must "everybody hates chris" come on at the same time as CSI?! waaaaaa i chose everybody hates chris....sniff. can i please have TIVO for christmas? please!


update...God loves me! ok so they don't overlap. i can watch both. life is swell :) i'm going to watch this and then a movie with a friend at midnight...how gangsta am i?!

bad boy face without the bad boy act

9.28.2005
i saw a commercial today talking about the perfect 4 inch heels without the pain, the bad boy face without the bad boy act...can i just say that's pure genius..and alas why must i fall prey to the bad boy crap? it's hard to get me to admit i like bad boys. i really do try to get the good ones, but i'm lookin back and i'm a little angry at my past stuff and it still happens. honestly. it keeps me more interested in the beginning BUT i get sick of it and then move on (with the quickness). does the 'game' ever really get tiring though? i keep movin thru the rounds and it's the same stuff but the butterflies come nonetheless. my best friend just started a blog and her stuff is on point..she discusses politics and world/national issues and here i am discussing my infatuation with men that play games lol. i guess we just balance each other out.

i did have a fun day though. my roomie and i made the most out of my last days before i start my new job and went and looked at furniture for my place and all that good stuff AND i got pictures back that span as far back as my last week in kansas city. sniff...there's a pic of an ex (i don't know what the heck kinda ex he is but yeah) and that further intensified my drive to figure this bad boy stuff out. any theories folks?

it's gonna be a beautiful blog when tishy falls in love. IF tishy falls in love. just saying that is funny. i'm helping a good friend of mine with romance currently and i hope with all my might it works for him. love is a beautiful thing...when you're not playing games!

music to my ears

9.27.2005
i just wanted to put it out there that my girl was punkin me today. she said on my acting resume it would never read that i am a singer....what kind of ish is that?! lol...so alexzia g.m.t.p. you have been blasted on the internet. love you...even if you are a kissing foo.

firefly

ok can i just say that i have turned into a sci fi geek and i totally dig it! my friend bree hooked me on to this sci fi channel show called "firefly" that hooked me from the get go. they only got thru one season before fox canceled it, but they're making a film of it called "serenity" that comes out this friday...i've watched all of the series (cuz it's addicting) and i'm ready to go..and might i add that nathan fillion is a hottie and a half...

i can feel it in the air...

9.25.2005
for those that know me...i tend to hear a song and apply its message to my life..thus it becomes a theme song. for the time being "feel it in the air" by beanie is one such song. it's absolutely beautiful and i recommend going out and really listening to it. sometimes that ish can make me cry.

this all has a point though. so things are just starting to look up. a friend of mine mr. nooner called me the other night and told me that he seriously was missin my presence in kansas city and that touched me. more than that he said he just knew that i would make it cuz i had something special that pulled people in. i love all my friends...they say the sweetest things and sometimes that can totally keep me going. i've heard the story of the one frog who made it even though everyone was telling him he wouldn't just to find out that he was deaf and that's why he won...if he would have heard the negativity he would have lost, yadda yadda. well i know i should listen to my heart alone to do what i gotta do, but outside support is so cool.

the good thing is i do believe i will be a great actress some day soon...like the song i can just feel it in the air. i'm going to do something substantial with my life..i have a good friend out here who runs a small record label and she has been a huge support out here. so much so that she called a good acting friend of hers who has coached actors on four brothers, other john singleton movies, etc. and she just wrote me back saying she's heard such good things about me she wants me to call her today to work out when i can start my classes with her. talk about dope! i'm excited to begin my journey. i mean it's not just about the final product...i can't wait to be immerced into this life i have chosen for myself. i kinda want to cry cuz i'm so happy right now.

i need a cd burner so i can start making soundtracks of my adventures here in la la land.

i start my new job on monday and i'm totally pumped. i did have a dream that i totally went back to my other job in kc and forgot i was supposed to start here...oops. money is a good thing when it pays the bills. ;)

i love life right now...i spent a couple hours talking to a new friend last night and it was awesome...we just spent time talking about music and funny little quarks and all that jazz and i have to thank God that he's blessed me with such positive people out here. so many supportive and positive individuals. it's mind blowing

unhappy little girl...

it's funny how easily things fall apart. you think you have everything figured out. you're calm, cool and collected--you have people that you look up to and respect that tell you how things are and you see them follow thru on this life advice and it works and everything's beautiful, but then something goes wrong and you're left with that world spinning feeling....you believed in something, it fell apart and so now you fall apart. life's hard...i'm just glad i have a family that i believe will always come out on top...at least i hope.

to all my friends and fam i couldn't ask for a better group of people...we make it hard on ourselves and each other at times but we do alright most of the time. i'm thankful for that.

ego tripping

9.20.2005
i was sitting here watching an episode of "a different world" today and it struck something. it's the one where the ladies of hillman are celebrating black women thru history and whitley brings in the mammy painting. i forgot just how big of impact that show really had and the knowledge it gave me. i sat there and watched one of the characters, kimberly reece, recite my favorite poem "ego tripping" by nikki giovanni and i just started to cry. it was the weirdest thing...i just love the idea of the black woman...i love the genius of nikki...and i fear the ignorance of folk who continuously try to tear me down with whack crap like "i didn't know you considered yourself black"...i watched that episode and felt sad that others try to take that pride away from me...just wait until i have a voice...people are gonna learn about their ambiguous sistas and all that being one entails! i'm really being challenged right now and it doesn't help that i have no foundation to stand firm on, but i'm getting there... i really can't wait to see what i do. it's gonna be interesting...and now homage to a hero:

I was born in the Congo.
I walked to the Fertile Crescent and built the sphinx. I designed a pyramid so tough that a star that only glows every one hundred years falls into the center giving divine perfect light.

I am bad.

I sat on the throne drinking nectar with Allah. I got hot and sent an ice age to Europeto cool my thirst.

My oldest daughter is Nefertiti. The tears from my birth painscreated the Nile.

I am a beautiful woman.

I gazed on the forest and burned out the Sahara desert. With a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes, I crossed it in two hours. I am a gazelle so swift, so swift you can't catch me.

For a birthday present when he was three,
I gave my son Hannibal an elephant. He gave me Rome for mother's day. My strength flows ever on.

My son Noah built an ark and I stood proudly at the helm as we sailed on a soft summer day. I turned myself into myself and was Jesus. Men intone my loving name. All praises all praises,

I am the one who would save.

I sowed diamonds in my back yard. My bowels deliver uranium. The filings from my fingernails are semi-precious jewels.

On a trip north, I caught a cold and blew my nose giving oil to the Arab world. I am so hip even my errors are correct. I sailed west to reach east and had to round off the earth as I went. The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid across three continents.

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal. I cannot be comprehended except by my permission.

I mean...I...can fly

like a bird in the sky...

pig tails

9.17.2005
can i just say that i LOVE days like today. saturdays are the bomb for kickin back and doing what you love...this morning, despite feeling like pooh, i got up, took a loooong shower, put my hair in pig tails (which is a sure fire sign that i'm diggin my day and myself) and cleaned the mess out of my apartment...there's nothing like a little catharctic cleansing ;) all of that was followed by some football and man was it good. i must admit that i do miss ku football, there's nothing like the BIG XII but this "pac 10" stuff will have to do :) tonight i'm going to see "brother's grimm" with a movie bud of mine and it should be a slammin good time. i've decided that i have to try to enjoy life as much as possible. sitting here cooped up in eagle rock, punishing myself for not finding a job lickety split ain't helping a gosh darn person...as whitney would say "i can't live like that bobby i can't live like that!" remember, she's not a crack head...just crack headish according to jamie fox.

speak

9.14.2005
last night i watched this amazing show on lifetime (please don't hate) called 'speak' and it was absolutely great. if you like the style and tone of my so-called life then you would love LOVE this movie. i don't know how many times it'll come on, but i definitey recommend going to lifetime's web site and looking up the schedule. the story is told from a teen girl's perspective and she's incredibly smart and witty--following her thru the year after her rape...talk about intense, truthful and beautiful. i couldn't move from my seat and i was somewhat hoping it was this show i keep hearing about called weeds just so i could continue to watch it weekly, but alas it is not.

check it out!

anal retentiveness inhibits the hustle

9.13.2005
ok so i'm sitting upstairs in my roomy's part of the house playing on the puter and i keep hearing this weird hissing (air being released sound) every couple of minutes...it's done this since i moved here, but today it's especially irritating...other than that it's a good day.

so i took a job waitressing at this really nice restaurant in pasedena called houston's. only catch...i suck at waitressing and i hate it so far. lol. oops! so i'm frantically looking for other work since i don't have my next training until next week. can we say picky picky poor girl?! it's all good though. i told ya'll i was different. i want to do it my way. i want to enjoy the work i do...period. even if it's not acting.

i just ate a gang full of beans today too so my tummy now hurts but i'm still in an upbeat mood cuz i'm hopeful that some of these other jobs i've applied for will come thru...anyone got any karma vibes they can send my way ;) lol

as for the past weekend. (i'm getting lazy on the blogs) i drove my little self up to sacremento (awesome long drive...totally worth it..on the way there). there are all kinds of beautiful golden hills all thru the drive, lots of cows too...which is why a certain area has gone from caulinga (sp?) to "cow linga" p.u. city but the cool breeze blasting thru your hair and good tunes totally make up for it. i stayed with my twin and her hubby in sac and she took me on a tour of the city....a city i have since fallen in love with and hope to move to someday. there's just something about the new with the old (they have the original area when the town was first settled) that just stirs me...plus it's like kc but with better surroundings (wink)

my girl's home is beautiful...her life is beautiful...it just inspired me and gave me a "go to" of how i want to live my life...lol. (once i get a job i enjoy) [double wink] can i just tell you it's a beautiful thing to find someone with a similar life experience as you? i loved sitting down with my twin and just knowing that we had an understanding..that at certain points in the conversation we could both sit back and just look at each other, nod our heads and know. if i had my own tv show, that would be the part where we go to dream sequence and i'm getting up and hugging her uncontrollably while "halleluyah!" music plays in the background ;)

so yes. i am poor and miserable in many ways, but totally enriched and content in others. i'm still reading my Bible too for all my curious cats. the study guide makes this oh so nice to understand and read. shout out to vikk on that one once again. other books on the list...i'm reading the alchemist which is fantastic--if you have a dream, in the middle of trying for your dream, etc. you NEED to read this book. it's poetically perfect and, like a good song, totally relateable. my spelling isn't that on today, i apologize

huntington beach

9.06.2005
it's amazing how easily it was for me to fall in love with that beach...so michele is definitely practically my twin in every way (what movie did i still part of that phrase from chele?!) we got to the beach and just kicked it...now the "Q" was a tight @$$ grill and made some excellent carne asada so i'm gonna have to say the california folks can indeed hold it down...i'm talking about the best meat, guac and peach salsa a girl has ever eaten! mmmm. why do things revolve around food all of a sudden for me? ya ever wonder? anyways. the weather out there is perfect....in the shade somewhat perfect so i poked my feet out into the sun and rested in the shade...slept for an hour or so...got up had good food, drank some good liquor (thank you bj!) and roasted smores...now if that ain't the perfect labor day i don't know what is? i'm drunk from giddiness..still!

so yes...that definitely is at the top of all time fun moments...it's up there with sabetha, ks weekend if that means anything ;) so many fun and interesting and might i add intelligent human beings just actin a "plum" fool on the beach...i felt like the song that features the lyrics "I'm coming home!" should have been playing in the background. california is just gettin better and better. now if that same karma could be applied to my job hunt we'd be straight! :)

labor day!

9.05.2005
For those that know me and know me well--today is labor day...what i'm taking a break from i have no clue though (wink) i'm actually on my way to a bbq with my twin and her husband. lets see if california folks can keep up with the kc smack downs of bbq land...i don't know folks...i don't know. this has been an interesting weekend. a friend texted me the other night and said he wanted to go see a movie, which of course angered me greatly since he lives in the midwest and i thought he was either being smart or had emailed the wrong chick BUT he was actually in la la land visiting fam so i was happy. it's good to hang with home...i hugged the poor boy and didn't want to let him go! i took him to this african expo thingy which was really cool. ;) and then it was over...sniff. more details on today to come!

ponderings

9.02.2005
damn....i just read the _darkest child_ by delores phillips in seriously two days...less than 24 hours really. it was so good, but it brought up some painful memories...don't ever look and assume that just because someone may carry themselves in a respectable way, they don't have a rocky past. being the mixed child of a single white and might i add dirt poor mommy was hard at times. that book was like a land mine that i accidentally stepped on...and when i opened that first page wham!!! it all came back. you'll have to pick up the book to get it all but it was just so deep and beautiful in so many ways. it deals with everything..racism, poverty, and my all time favorite-- black self loathing...specifically for me the issue of it being undesirable for the black community to show any sort of intelligence or excitement to learn...we're labeled as 'acting white'. you'd think since i surround myself with positive and intelligent human beings i wouldn't have to deal with this mess in my personal life as much but some ignorant person in my family just recently called me a "white girl" again when i told him i was reading a new book. it breaks my heart that black can't just be black. silly i know. it's just been on my mind. i've been trying to busy myself so i'm not going crazy but without funds coming in and not really wanting to hang all that much with people that are ready to get it crunk i'm left analyzing every thing that comes my way. this weekend should be good though. i'm going to lunch with my uncle to just kick back and eat for free (wink) and then a party with my twin, michele. :) that definitely helps...let me tell ya!

mama's girl

9.01.2005
so my mo (my nickname for my mother) was supposed to come see me this weekend and check out cali and my new abode but because of the fuel issues right now she can't make it. i didn't realize how big of a mama's girl i truly was (am) until she wrote and gave me the bad news. hurrican katrina damn you!

i have friends who lived down in either nola or a town near by called slidell and i tell ya, this week has been really painful. everyone's got something to say, there's a lot of political opinions of how the tragedy is being covered...the effects i see personally are enough to bring me to tears though. thank God my girl made it out and my best friend's home is ok but the relief is short lived. does anyone else feel the highs and lows of it all? trying to live your life but then feeling guilty that people are down in texas (where they're sending everybody) right now suffering because they have no home, job, family to go back to? life is crazy

spider bites and dreaded phone calls

8.31.2005
OK so today kinda bites. (no pun intended) a stupid spider (i knew my fear was no joke!) bit me on my shoulder which has in turn caused severe pain in my left shoulder, neck and leg....mmm nice. Today I started to worry so i took some benadryl and immediately entered wacko land. i've been loopy ever since. that's not the funny part though...so i've thought i got this job all along but this woman just called me to let me know that they've had problems in that department or something and so they're not gonna hire me now. nice huh? i had just turned another job  down...don't think i didn't call them back though! lol
so yeah. i'm back to square one. such a lonely and poor square. i don't think i like it very much. when it rains it pours...i'm hurting that i went shopping...ouch. someone please, please give a sista some air support cuz i'm suddenly feeling dizzy again. :(

correction

8.30.2005
All of Us airs on Tuesdays this fall ;) according to the web site

my first day of hollywood work

8.29.2005
Wow!!!! my first day of hollywood work. i'm exhausted but totally bouncing off the walls. would you expect anything less from me?! lol. so here's how it went. on friday i signed up with this casting agency called central casting and they immediately booked me for a job on the UPN show "all of us" for today. my call time was 8 am so of course i couldnt eat breakfast or anything (way too nervous) so i just got up at the butt crack of dawn and headed out...got on the freeway and immediately realized i hadn't brought my clothes for the set changes...um yeah. so i turned around but still made it there on time with lots of time to spare. :) i wore a bad dress folks..and by bad i mean it was fly (cool whateva). i had on 4 inch heels too. i was gawking over everybody (hollywood is very short!) but it was all good. so i get there and they're herding us around like sheep when all of a sudden a personal assistant on set pulls me out to the wardrobe people  and says we're gonna make you a waitress and then the wardrobe lady says no we can't "waste" her..i had no idea what that meant but i went back inside and waited around. the set was so magical ya'll...it's so tiny but it's just crazy that a story of someone's vision comes to life on this little biddy back lot at universal studios every day. i fell in love immediately..i've always been infatuated with hollywood (can't love it till ya know it). i tried to read a book but it wasn't happening. i just sat there and watched the technicians and assistant directors work...and then i see this little light skinned woman enter the room with a red sweatpants suit and a red wrap around her head and my mouth fell open...it was debbie allen.  in case you don't know who that is, she happens to be one of the BEST choreographers in the world (my opinion) and directors. she directed "a different world" she did the famous african dance scene in "coming to america", "fame" and much more (google her and see) i've admired that woman since i was a small girl. so yeah i was a little star struck. i couldn't help but smile and was taken back by the other extras' inabilitity to appreciate the genius standing before them...DANG..it's debbie allen! she picked me out of the crowd to do a scene with the main guy on the show, duane martin. he was really cool. i sat down and he asked who he would be doing the scene with, i raised my hand and he said he would get me back (watch the show to see what i did) so we sat there. i told him my friend loved him (shout out to jecarma). he asked how long i had been acting and i told him that today was my first day on a set...and he started crackin up and telling the other actor on set that it was my first day and i had already been picked out (talk about ego boost) so then we rehearsed the scene and i didn't get angry enough so i told him to say something pissy to me and so (knowing i was from KC) he told me all midwestern girls are ho's...lol. needless to say it worked and i did the scene with a special pizazz...ms. allen smiled at me and said good job. yeah for tishy!

so yes. now i'm sitting on cloud nine and don't wanna ever have to come down. i'm gonna do this guys...i can just feel it. everything i saw as a kid is gonna come true. i'm gonna make it..i'm gonna be a great actress. ;)
ps anna nicole smith was the guest actress for the day!!!!

i'm employed!!!

8.27.2005
I FINALLY found a job lol...now mind you it's not ideal. I'll be working a shift of 4 pm to 12:30 am (ouch!) BUT it's steady income and it gives me a little time to at least get my headshots done, get some classes in so that I can start the process of getting in the business...making my agent a very happy man. Not only did I get a job ,but I also got my first extra booking. I'll be working on the set as a background person this Monday...oh yeah. The UPN's "All of Us"...I'm pumped out of my mind. The guy who booked the job told me I have to look really 'sexy'. I said OK and hung up, jumped up and down and then froze...grammama....sexy? I don't think so. So I called on the expertise of Diva Extraordinaire, (my roommate Shannon). She took me shopping at this great cheap place and voila! I'm a bonafide sexy diva without lookin like a ho. I got this really perdy black short dress (Yes mama I'll actually show my leg above the knee--a first since I was probably 5.) and some killa 4 inch heels...Girly girls this may be nothing for you, but that's big for me...Friends. I'm changing, but it's all to the good! :)

So yeah, life's a lot better now. I was getting really down. I don't know about any of ya'll, but I really can't respect someone that doesn't have an effort to contribute their part to society (in the form of wanting to work) I just go crazy...the last three weeks were so hard. That's why the blogs were sparce but I'm back and in ready to go mode.

I just found out minutes ago that my favorite boy in the world may have a possibly reading for me with a director out here..how he pulls this stuff out of his hat I don't know, but it's for a 'real' film...one that could star Gladys Knight...um yeah folks. Lets do this shall we?!

Well tonight I'm off to another lovely get together with my roomie and her friends. Another Panamanian friend is gonna cook and do the damn thing. I'm starting to get comfortable, my bearings are coming. I'm turning a different page...did you hear it, did you see it?

God's Here

8.21.2005
In the movie "How Stella Got her Groove Back" Whoopi says, "God's here" and that scene has always stuck with me. I finally feel that way now. It's a beautiful thing when you find God...I'm not one of what one of my best friends, Vikkie, would refer to as a 'holy roller', but dang I'm gonna be verbal about my newfound spirituality...It's a beautiful thing!




I thank my girl for giving me the best gift in the world--the Bible-- cuz for the first time in my life I'm getting it...I guess I just had to find it in my own way.
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