Sometimes You Bomb

"I really, deeply believe that dreams do come true. Often, they might not come when you want them. They come in their own time."~Diana Ross

Oh I bombed it mighty bad on an audition yesterday. I stepped outside of myself and could see myself bombing. I kept thinking, "Tish you're blowing this! Stop reading the cards! Stop screwing it up! Smile! Stop looking like a deer in headlights! You're an actress for Pete's sake!"

...and then it was over. I had stopped talking. The man behind the camera gave me a pitiful smile and that was it. I walked out of the casting office. I hung my head. Grabbed some fruit from the grocery store so that I wouldn't be judged for parking illegally there and then went home; tail between my legs.

I know we all have our bad days. That was definitely mine. I just had so much going on in my head. It would have meant so much money...money that could have helped us out. It would have meant another bullet on my meager resume. Sigh...

Another day...another chance to make it, right?

Gatsby (No Spoilers!)

Why did I wait until Thursday to post this?!!?!

I don't know, but I saw Gatsby over the weekend and it was amazing. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much out of this movie. I'm one of those rare breeds that didn't have to read this book in high school. I had no earthly idea what it was about. (I thought it was about a heist...I thought 'gatsby' was a noun.) I asked my gal pal J to hook me up with some background knowledge on the story and this is what she gave me:

"It's about a bunch of rich miserable people being rich and miserable to each other."

I still chose to see it because Baz Luhrmann directed that bad boy and I LOVE ME SOME BAZ! I know his style annoys many..."too flashy, too cray" for them, but I happen to delight in his whimsical visions. Moulin Rouge was the bee's knees and so was Rome + Juliet. The man can do no wrong. Even loved his more subdued Australia. I must have put a shrimp on the barbie in my former life.

Anyways, I saw the flick and it didn't disappoint. I don't usually gush over Leonardo DiCaprio, but MAN did he kill it! His intensity was great! There were moments where I swooned over Gatsby. I forgot all about that big headed boy who pimps a Prius (that would be Leo) and was all for Gatsby and his love interest.

Okay and now I get super girly on y'all. I LOVED THE JEWELS! Oh my gosh, how I swooned over Daisy's pearl earrings and all of the other Tiffany & Co. jewels. The costume designer was doing the damn thing! I want to meet her! And I want her to give me diamonds! I fell in love with Daisy and her style. I told Jersey I need a complete makeover and I need to dress exactly like her. He said I could as soon as we win the lotto. Sweet!

Back to the film, though. There was passion, action, comedy, great writing (Baz made sure to incorporate exact passages from the book which was a clever choice.) and the music...OH THE MUSIC! It was intense, awesome and loud. I looked over at one point and the lady beside me was covering her ears. Wasn't a fan of the covers apparently, but Jersey and I were jamming. Like seriously moving in our seats.

Period pieces can get super jacked up, but Baz didn't jack up ish. Baz did good. Baz did reeeeeal good.

Four Months

We have four months until we marry...

FOUR MONTHS! I'd like to think that's plenty of time, but it's not. Sooo much to do. Sooo little time. I was at the gym yesterday and one of the trainers who I'm cool with told me I looked stressed and she'd be right. I'm stressed!

How do people deal with people not responding!? The bakery we're trying to get our desserts from hasn't gotten back to us in two months and I've constantly been calling and emailing. Not cool Robert Frost!

I have this list of things that have to get done. One thing gets checked off and three more grow in its place. It's a Greek mythology ordeal. It's a wedding hydra!!! I would draw a picture but that would be one more thing I had to do for this wedding beast and I JUST.CANT.DO.IT.CAPTAIN!

I want this all to be over and done with. I'm not gonna lie. Help! HELLLLLP!

I went after Jersey the other day with a vengeance. He was the bloke who wanted this dumb thing and I gave it to him kindly and gently...now I'm shoving it towards him saying, "HERE! You wanted it you worry about the decor and shat!"

He started out really good and helpful, but he pulled a smooth operator on me. I woke up one day and realized I was making all of the decisions and planning the whole thing...taking on that annoying girl role that I never wanted. Oh nooooo he diddant!

That is my life right now. Well at least underneath the cool facade I've been trying to wear in public. You'd think this stuff would be easy but it's not. I don't know why, but it's not and I will throat punch any girl that tells me differently right now.

Weddings are for the crazy!

Sister, You've Been on My Mind

My last birthday in Middle Earth was one of the most memorable birthdays I've ever had...I had all my favorite women in one room...all wearing green and having a good time. I had this click of wonderful women of color that were my crew called the sister girls. That night they were all there. Yesterday one of those lovely women sent a tweet out with a picture of the card I had sitting on every girls' plate.

She kept the card! I talk about that card ALL.THE.TIME. to everyone who will listen. Partially because The Color Purple is my favorite film of all time, but also because it summed up my feelings for those women to a T.

I have a dear friend who hosted and put together that party for me. An event planner, to the bone, Vikkie didn't miss a single detail. It was absolutely perfect. I'm hoping similar memories and good times are had at my bachelorette party this summer. My J and gal pal E are doing the damn thing. They've planned this amazing weekend and done exactly what I love to do most; they're allowing me to honor the women who I've fallen in love with over the years. I can't wait!

There's something about the act of honoring friendships that puts me in the best of moods.

Great Adventures with Mish | Take 2

Sunday Funday with Friends and Fam 

Man yesterday was the best random chaos I have probably ever had with Jersey. I don't know what it was about this particular weekend, but we found ourselves without set plans so we winged it...all weekend long.

We saw The Great Gatsby which I thoroughly enjoyed. You just can't go wrong with a Baz film, I'm afraid. Sunday was the best, though. After a beautiful morning spent with E getting matcha green tea and java Jersey and I decided to beat the heat by heading south. We have good friends who live and work in Long Beach so we headed down for some of the best fish tacos. Then we drove even more south to spend the rest of the day with my lovely cousin, Sheli and her posse of awesome friends. 

Lots of drinking involved...some parts of yesterday are a blur, but it was so fun hanging with blokes from England (one a hilarious Irish man who just happened to grow up in London)  and my family. 

I'm a hot mess of tired today, but it was so worth it. For one glorious weekend we were young and free. :)

Let Me Be Your Star

Post title inspired by theme song of the TV show, Smash. When I say I belt that at least ONCE a day...it's more like a couple. (sheepish grin) Yesterday Jersey and I headed down to Hollywood to watch a screening of a new show. I will discuss the actual show on FBG so look out for that. It was cool beans! Sorry for the tease, but I wanted to talk about the act of being on a studio lot for this bad boy post.

It doesn't matter how long I've lived here; how many times I've played on a lot; I always get giddy when I step foot in between those studio buildings. Fox Studios was no different. We pulled up and the stars in my little eyes started to pulsate. We parked and headed into the heart of the place and my inner geek went nuts. I started (loudly) telling Jersey that people in the surrounding area must be feeling something special in the air...that they were thinking, "She's here. I can feel that someone with the magic; someone with the 'it factor' is here and we must find her." Jersey laughed and walked a little ahead of me so people wouldn't think we were together.

It can never be helped. So much of my dreams float in that area of the city. I walk around and I see hologram-like images of myself walking here and there; going from show to show...working and doing my dream job; happy and cracked out with joy.

Yesterday evening was perfect. I was humbled for sure because I wasn't there in the capacity I've always wanted. (I was press not talent.) But I was there and for now it's good enough baby!

Absolute Peace

Yesterday was my last and final zit zapping treatment otherwise known as Omnilux.

I will miss those lovely appointments. Each Monday and Wednesday I would go to my dermatologist, sit in a little biddy dark room and they would shine either a blue or a red light on my face. The nurse would tell me she'd come back in 20 minutes and the minute she'd close that door I would fall asleep...like IMMEDIATELY.

I would dream of sugar plum fairies dancing in my head; I was so relaxed and calm. I swear I've never felt that kind of peace before. I have no idea what those little lights do, but damn they're magical! It's been so long since I've been calm, which is sad. Even when I go to get a massage my mind is racing in a million directions or focused on the severity of the rub down (I'm sensitive!) so it's been a super long time. After those naps my workouts are ridiculous. I have mounds of good energy; way more than coffee could ever give me.

I'd love to say that time helps me focus and come up with answers for world peace, but I seriously knock out and 20 minutes later I'm dazed and confused wondering how it was over that quickly and if I had drooled while out. And I'm okay with that.

PS the skin is looking crazy better! It's hard to believe how out of control it was. Because I'm brave, I'll show you the madness I was referring to.

Crazy, right?! I have NO idea where it came from. Well that's not true. It was a combination of stress and dairy (I'm lactose intolerant...and wasn't aware that the whey protein mix I was slurping down every day was actually freaking my skin out. The minute I stopped drinking it my skin stopped producing colonies of alien zits. Coincidence? I think not!)

Never thought I'd allow something as silly as my skin to interfere with my life, but boy did I go into hermit mode. I didn't want to see anyone. Couldn't stand being in public; just knew people were gawking at my face. I'm learning some humble lessons y'all. Indeed I am...

Always and Forever

Best times are rarely grand and over the top.

Last night E came over with Sir Diddy. We cooked together, drank a little vino, jammed LOUDLY to "Luffa" Vandross and watched New Girl and it was flippin awesome with a capital A. (Dick Vitale style)

Work can be long and quiet (since I work from home full time) and my workouts can be even more grueling so it's nice to get some estrogen up in the hizzouse and do the darn thing. 

This chick has helped me out immensely over the years...she's helping out with my wedding ish (helping to plan THE best bachelorette party known to women world wide) and I couldn't be more grateful.

My suggestion: Find a friend who laughs at the same comedic parts; sings the same (but wrong) notes when Luffa comes on and is open to doing absolutely nothing together from time to time. Your life will be just a little bit better, my friend. I promise you this.